Every disaster you’ll face trying to cook a uni house Christmas dinner

If the fire alarm doesn’t go off, it’s a success

It’s finally December and that means the house Christmas dinner is right around the corner. Your house parent is dreading being the one to organise the whole shebang, but you’ve seen your grandma cook it every year and honestly, it doesn’t look that hard.

Your halls Christmas dinner in first year was bland, and you’re convinced you can do a better job. You’ve put in a fat Tesco order that’s two times over your weekly budget, but you’re in the Christmas spirit right?

Despite all this there are lots of things that can go wrong, these are the disasters you’re sure to run into – even if you may think you have it covered.

1. How are you going to fit everything in the fridge?

In a house of five where it is already a struggle to squish in everyones weekly food shops in the fridge, how are you going to fit in a whole Christmas dinner? Your fridge already leaks and makes a strange humming noise when its unaccompained. Put your oat milk aside and make room for that enormous turkey and the endless amounts of pigs in blankets.

Don’t forget the mixers

2. Make sure you have everything you need

No matter how organised the house is and no matter how timely you all put the Tesco order in, you will definitely find yourself with substitutions or missing ingredients. Unless you try and make use of whatever you’ve been given, looks like one of you will have to make a last minute run to Sainos local.

3. Time management is key

A roast is a military operation made up of LOTS of different tasty foods. With only one oven in the house you’ll need to try and fit everything in at the right time. This will be tricky especially with the tons of roasted veg and the added pigs in blankets. Unless one of you in the house has time management mastered, you will definitely struggle with this.

4. Can you actually cook?

It doesn’t matter how easy it would’ve been to simply mix Bisto and water for the gravy someone will try and act like Gordon Ramsey and use the stock from the Turkey and combine with cornflour to produce what they think will be the best gravy anyones ever tasted. Shock – it tastes grim. Instead of something nice to go on your roast, you’ll instead end up with a lumpy mess. Best to stick to the basics.

5. Don’t get distracted or something will burn

Even if you finally manage to get everything in the oven, you are all bound to get distracted gossiping over the new episode of I’m a Celebrity and find yourselves opening the oven to something being burnt, just hope it isn’t the Turkey. Pick off the burnt bits and hope no one notices.

I can just scrape the black bits off right?

6. You will set the fire alarm off

There is without a doubt someone who will be setting the fire alarm off whilst cooking the Christmas dinner. Whether it’s from simply opening the oven or someone has left a pan steaming over without the extractor fan on, you are bound to hear the incessant beeping of the fire alarm. Bonus points if you can’t figure out how to turn it off and you have to rope your landlord into coming and fixing it for you. Oops.

7. Arguments will happen, accept them and move on

In a house of five or six, the saying ‘too many cooks spoil the broth’ comes to mind. When you are all crammed into a tiny student kitchen trying to prep and cook in your own way, it’s inevitable that there will be a series of snaps and spats that sends at least one person crying to their room.

8. It’s petty, but you will argue over Christmas cracker hats

The best, and I mean the BEST, part about having a Christmas dinner is getting to battle over Christmas crackers with your housemates before you eat. Without fail you will find yourselves switching hats and jokes trying to secure your favourites. It’ll be a fight to the death and may cause a couple arguments between you.

hands off the purple hat…its mine

9. Washing up? What washing up?

After having devoured the meal you have just prepared, there will be a mountain of pots and pans left by the sink waiting to be sorted. It’s certain everyone will be left in a food coma not wanting to budge for several hours. The next debate will be who does it or whether it’s left for everyone to face the next morning.

10. Who gets to keep the leftovers?

Some may argue the best bit of the Christmas dinner is actually the amount of leftovers you get. In a uni house however, I can guarantee everyone will be trying to secure the leftover turkey for sandwiches to take into uni for lunch the week after. Gonna be munching in Hallward in style.

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