Here are the seven ways you can spot a UEA fresher

Don’t be too harsh on the lanyard wearers, we’ve all been there

3 years ago

New year, new faces in the SU bar. Despite coming to uni and reinventing yourself as a brand new person, you may not be as original as you think you are. It’s not just your general look of being lost that makes you an easy target. So, we have come up with a guide of the seven easy ways to spot a UEA fresher. And yes, we may seem bitter but we just miss it.

Lanyard

Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but your shiny new lanyards are not as well received as you think they are. Although you may think it makes you look a bit older by showing you are at uni now, anyone that has been here over a year will know wearing your lanyard is like wearing a massive badge that says “I’m lost”. PSA: You don’t need to wear them at pres.

‘What’s a Snake Bite?’

Realistically, no one is 100 per cent sure what’s in a Snakey-B but you definitely don’t ask. The point of a snakebite is to pretend like you know, it’s like a rite of passage. I think most people assume it’s 70 per cent cheap beer and 30 per cent hangover inducer – but regardless of what’s in it you’ll still have upwards of seven at the SU bar.

Dressing up to go to a lecture

Why does every fresher look like they’re about to go on Love Island at their 9am’s? Don’t get me wrong, we all love making an effort but this to too much on a Monday morning. Soon you will be wearing your five-day-old trackies and stained t-shirts to campus like the rest of us.

‘What’s the difference between Damn Good and A-List’

A question that would make any long term UEA student sick to their stomach. These monumental UEA club nights may both take place in the LCR but are both wildly different. All you really need to know is Damn Good is where you dress up and make a fool out of yourself on a Shrek-themed club night. And A-list is where you go to pull. Think of it as the cast of Inbetweeners vs. the cast of Love Island.

‘What are the five L’s?’

Oh you poor innocent fresher. My only advice with this one is if someone asks you on a club night if you want to complete one of the L’s, SAY NO.

Not knowing the difference between a formative and a summative

Seems as though every sixth form and college failed to teach you the difference between a formative and a summative. What you’ll come to learn is that a summative is something you definitely have to do, and a formative is something you remember on the day of submission when critically hungover (but you didn’t hear that from me).

Pointing out the ‘Creepy Statues’ and ‘Swamp Man’

Despite probably giving you the fright of your life during your Freshers Week, over the course of your time at UEA they will grow on you. These statues, created by Antony Gormley, are apparently made to be “unsettling”. You’re not a true fresher if you haven’t had a drunken picture with the swamp man, bonus points if you touch his dick.

Don’t be too offended freshers, next year you’ll be making the same jokes. But if you really want to get caught up on some UEA slang, you can check it out here.