Source is the best worst nightclub in the UK

There’s a reason that whenever I go back to Source everyone looks about 12 years old. I’m finally one of those weird older people that goes back to every teenagers’ fave nightclub – no matter how hard I try, I just can’t give Source up.

When someone shat in Source, it really affirmed what everyone already knew: it’s the only nightclub in the UK where you can truly feel at home. Why not take a dump on the middle of the dancefloor? When nature calls, you’ve got to go – especially to “Drop It Like It’s Hot”.

You’ll also feel like a sexual prowess as you realise that you’re the only 20-something year old in there. Those kids who were in year 8 once upon a time? They’re now the fittest 18-year-olds in the room. You can exercise your well practised skills of seduction while slut dropping to Miley’s “We Can’t Stop” as you realise you Can’t Stop getting with your best mate’s little brother.

This dress will soon be stained

The phrase “Want to get Sourcey tonight?” is like a beacon calling in the dark as you realise you don’t have to dress classy for Moons. Rock up in your shorts and ripped tights and you’ll fit right in. You’ve got your own Source “shoes”, typically a trashy pair of trainers that won’t matter when they inevitably get covered in sick and jagerbombs and you can’t bear to chuck them away because of the memories they harbour.

Your feet don’t ache like they do in Bar Chocolate or Gallery because you’re not wearing six inch heels, and neither will you have to deal with the fear of the dreaded ankle tilt. You don’t have to worry about even wearing nice dresses either, because whatever you wear will either end up with mascara-stained tears over it as you think you saw your ex making out with the hot girl over there who definitely isn’t fitter than you, or from a spilt vodka lemonade from all the mad jumping you’ve been doing.

It’s basically a school reunion every time you go to Source. There’s no need to organise an alumni event to catch up with Shannon from English because when you see her on the sofas by the lounge bar you’ll suddenly remember what good bmfls you are. You’ll promise to meet up for coffee next week, knowing full well your next conversation will be in the Easter holidays in the exact same spot. All the schools – MGGS, Invicta, Oakwood, Stocky, MGS, Astor – will congregate on the dancefloor as you and your squad remember exactly why you hated that person over in the corner and purposely brush past her to remind her that your beef is still raw.

Everybody loves a NYE at Source

Source also has a DJ in the smoking area: if there’s one thing to encourage you to inhale nicotine in what’s essentially a caged mini playground, the DJ is it. Where else could you smoke and listen to House every weekend? Just be careful not to jump too much with your fag in your hand and and burn a non-smoker’s arm – but it’s their own fault really, isn’t it? They shouldn’t come into the cool kids’ area without knowing the danger they’re putting themselves in. You can also sort out the edgy kids from the wannabe smokers: the tagalong friends who look slightly pale as they choke on the boxed-in fumes while their mate discusses Schrödinger’s Cat to the boy with a flesh tunnel.

Source is probably the only club in the UK to offer free NYE tickets as well. Most places would charge a fortune for the luxury of spending 12am in their club, but not Source. You both know that the night is going to be tragic, but that’s what makes it so brilliant. The street parties are also classic: they’re not really street parties but rather an extra corridor of dance space, just in the freezing cold. They don’t even have covers so when it’s raining you just get even more moist than the sweat-filled dancefloor.

The drinks are dirt cheap: where else can you spend £50 on booze and get 50 vodka lemonades? Sure, they’re only dirt cheap until before 11pm, but it’s worth it. You’ll spend your 18th, 19th, 20th, and probably your 21st birthday in there because that’s where your friends can get you the most bevs for the cheapest prices, as well as discounted entry.

So stop pretending you’ve got the money for Gallery or the class for Moons – Source is the best worst nightclub in the UK and you’ll always go back there.