Halloween is the one night of the year that celebrates being a hoe
Let’s get sexy and spooky bitches
Halloween, AKA the best night of the year, is the one and only holiday that actually celebrates hoe culture.
While Christmas and Easter are supposed to be religious and Valentine's Day literally shames single women, Halloween is dedicated to late nights out and wearing whatever you damn want. It's the hoe holiday (hoe-liday?) we all love and cherish.
We can dress as slutty as we want and nobody cares
In the words of Mean Girls' Cady Heron, "Halloween is the one night a year where girls can dress like a total slut and no other girls can say anything about it.'"
Of course, we can dress as slutty as we want anyway and nobody should say anything about it, but Halloween is the one night a year that actually celebrates dressing like a total slut. Just do a quick google search of "Halloween costumes for women" and you will find picture after picture of women in mini dresses and knee-high socks, and titles such as "sexy cat costume", "sexy Freddy Kruger costume" and even "sexy ebola nurse costume".
In a past life I would have found it incredibly offensive and sexist that nearly all of the Halloween costume ideas for women are "sexy", but I now see that it has its perks. You can literally go into town in lingerie, fishnets and bunny ears and people will assume that it's just your Halloween costume, and not how you dress all year round.
Late nights out are encouraged
When we were children, it was trick-or-treating and getting monumentally fucked on the high levels of sugar and chemicals in our sweets. Now it's a huge list of events to choose from and just getting monumentally fucked.
Whatever age you are, Halloween celebrates going out late in a banging costume and getting somewhat intoxicated, which is key to hoe culture. Not only does Halloween celebrate partying, it also provides the opportunity to do so- Halloween is literally the perfect night to get out there and get hoeing.
The weather isn't too cold (yet) for the above activities
It is only too convenient that Halloween falls in October, otherwise known as Cocktober – the best time for hoeing. It is cold enough for you to want to snuggle up in bed with a stranger, but not too cold for you to go out and find a stranger to begin with.
Everything is a bit dark and spooky (ideal for those on the more freaky side) but it's also still mild enough for you to party in next to nothing and not nearly freeze to death.
There's no pressure to couple up or buy presents
All you have to think about is what event you're buying tickets for and making sure your costume is on point. None of that faff about buying presents for your family with basically none of your student loan left, or feeling like shit because your friends are buying cute gifts for their partners.
Halloween is the holiday for young, single people, and it is easily the best time of the year.
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