University of Manchester bans applications from London students because their ‘vibes are off’

A leaked email has revealed that University of Manchester will no longer accept applications from students from London

UoM will be the first UK university to implement a ban on student applications due to their location.

The reason for this ban, the email revealed, is because the vibes of students who originate from London “conflict with the city’s interests”.

Wherever you fall on the north/south divide, most people can agree that there are an awful lot of southern trust fund babies in the Manchester area. This may prove as good or bad news for you based on how you say words such as “bath” and “grass”.

The email addressed the high number of applicants from students in London and their affect on the city, explaining that to help combat these issues, the university has chosen to simply turn down applicants from students with London postcodes – even if their parents know someone who knows someone.

April, a second year fashion marketing student told The Manchester Tab that she struggles to complete her daily walk without crossing paths with southern students. She explained: “The amount of Londoner’s particularly inhabiting the Fallowfield and Withington area is too much for the InPost lockers to deal with from all their small Vinted businesses and orders. I can’t post anything unless I go at the crack of dawn and it’s practically unhealthy to get up before 8am in my opinion.”

When asked about the ban on students from London, April explained that it was a great way to maintain the cool image of Manchester. She said: “I think northern students are cooler anyway. Our vibes are better and we can drink more because we basically grew up on £2 pints.”

Jules, a resident living in Fallowfield told The Manchester Tab that she frequently hears slang she believes has been brought to Manchester by London students and that she doesn’t understand it: “The amount of times I hear the words ‘yah’ and ‘rah’ is simply too much to deal with – what even is a ‘rah’? I fear it may wipe out the Manchester dialect completely.”

According to the email, the ban is already in place and will impact those applying to study at University of Manchester for academic year 24/25.

You should probably check the date, you April fools!

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