10 promises you made to yourself at uni, that you’ve inevitably broken

1) I know everything is recorded, but I will 100% attend everything

9ams? A myth. I can count on one hand the amount of times I have graced the uni campus with my presence before 11am, and they were all for exams. It just simply isn’t possible, my body clock is running at least 3 hours behind a normal person, plus it’s kind of selfish of uni to expect me to awake from my tomb before 11 to be honest.

Naps at uni are a must

2) My body is a temple and I’ll be in the gym at least twice a week

If you were fortunate enough to live in Greenbank (sorry baller) or Carnatic (sorry peasant) then the gym was literally free and on your doorstep, but I can guarantee that walking to the laundry room once a week was more than enough exercise. The most exercise done at uni is the walk to Tesco from the library, and even that is a struggle.

The only acceptable gym activity

3) I’ll have a budget and I will stick to it

Interest free overdraft? It is literally free money. We have all made budgets, and we have all failed. It just isn’t possible, especially when our loan barely covers rent *cough* the University of Liverpool are robbing bastards *cough*.

We've all been there

4) My outfit game is going to be on fire

You saw the international students walking through the Sydney Jones and thought you go Glen Coco. Let’s face it we all envy them, and their wallets. However, the hype beast high fashion life of an international student isn’t one that most of us home students can afford. Looks like you will be wearing that leavers hoodie with your white Nike air force for a while.

5) The north-south divide won’t even cross my mind

If you’re from the north you have already had your accent mocked before you have even made it to a lecture, and if you’re from the south you will have undoubtedly been accused of being a Tory. The north-south divide is very, very real. Just when you try to move past it, someone reminds you that you aren’t having a bath you’re having a barrthhhhh. To be fair, we're all in Liverpool and having a non-scouse accent is probably considered blasphemy to the locals.

6) I can’t wait to join a society!

Let’s face it, we all put our name down for at least three societies during the Fresher’s fair that never materialised. Be it pole dancing society or yoga society, we all thought we were going to immerse ourselves into the “university culture”. Instead, we did nothing but consume embarrassing amounts of Raz Bombs and attend the odd course social that involved a night out.

7) I can’t wait to cook loads of nice meals

Your nan probably bought you a cook book as a going to uni present, but let’s be honest you took one look at the fact it involved 30 minutes of preparation and thought "fuck it I’ll get a takeaway". Lean in 15 by Joe Wicks? I’d rather be flab and fab thanks.

8) I am definitely going to be cultural and go to an art gallery

It's true they are pretty cool, I mean who hasn't seen a classic Fiat 500 picture on the optical illusion floor of the Tate. However, looking good via Instagram is how it will remain for most of us. We are far too lazy to actually go to town and do anything remotely cultural, except perhaps visit the cat cafe.

#fiat500 #basic

9) Not spend pointless money

Takeaways just aren't plausible, not unless mummy and daddy are sending you an allowance every month, but we all still do it. From the Domino's winter survival deal to a trip to Greenbank Fish bar as a post-Brookhouse snack, these fast food places reel us and our overdraft in hook, line, and sinker. Even the Tesco meal deal is a waste. It may seem ideal, but five days a week adds up to £15 a week, that's £60 a month. That said, who can really be bothered to make a pack lunch now that their mum isn't around to do it?

10) Not live off pasta

Admittedly, it is pretty heavyweight in terms of food. Pasta is up there on the God tier. That does not mean it has to be consumed five out of seven days. You have to hand it to pasta, it's versatile, goes well with everything and it is cheap. But we definitely ALL need to try and cut this carb out of our meals just a little bit.