How to cope if you failed January exams

Throw yourself a pity party at Concert Square

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For a few people, results day was a joyous occasion. For the majority of us, the reality of a semester of partying, missing 9ams and last-minute revision sinks in.

We are stuck with a less than ideal classification and even facing the prospect of resits. How do you get over this hardship?

Go out – a first in raving looks good on the CV, right?

Your situation is not going to get any better any time soon so go to town and drink away your sorrows. While a potentially enjoyable experience, drinking will not actually improve your degree and in the long run will probably make your grade worse. Also a pounding hangover is not going to help with making those 9ams. But it’s fun at 1am when you’re dancing in LEVEL, and that’s all that matters really.

If only the exam had been on imaginative use of traffic cones

Stare at grade boundaries, while stressing, taking breaks to run around like a headless chicken

Probably the worst response, this will just make you feel ill and a bit dizzy, having no positive impact on your mark. Especially if done while nursing a hangover from your pity party. No amount of staring will change those boundaries, but at least you feel like you’re doing something.

Talk endlessly to your housemates about the mark you need next semester to get a 2:1

“You need 65.9873 to get 60 overall next semester? How interesting mate, please tell me for the 20th time instead of actually doing some work.”

Chill out babe

Bathe in your own tears

Save on your water bill and sob into your bath instead. Bathe in the lukewarm physical manifestation of your failure.  If this is your reaction then uni probably isn’t for you, try auditioning for Hollyoaks instead.

Go on holiday

Assignments aren’t due for five weeks anyway so you decide to catch the first flight out of John Lennon Airport. You may improve your foreign language and wine tasting skills, but, unfortunately the problem of horrific attendance remains. It’s all very well making the grade in your coursework, only to get failed for poor attendance.

Holiday Vibes

Try to bribe your lecturers

Go on mate, 50 for 2:1? This won’t work and even if it does, either you’ll be racked with guilt or you’ll end up expelled from uni. Neither are hugely helpful in getting that 2:1 – although you would join the likes of Nick Grimshaw who dropped out of Liverpool.

Accept where you are, try your best next semester and just chill out

Serious advice, really? Yes. So long as you can finish next semester knowing you tried your best there is nothing more you can do.. Besides, even if you miss the grade boundary, you might qualify for grade profiling and get your mark bumped up to it anyway (whatever that means).

I’ve reached acceptance of failure face

And on the plus side, it seems most companies have stopped looking at peoples’ degrees now and are focusing solely on your extra curriculum activities such as volunteering to pet puppies and cleaning Guild toilets. Makes you wonder what the fuck we are all doing here anyway.