FRESHERS: LOOK FAB, EVEN WITH A STINKIN’ HANGOVER.

You feel like you’ve been hit by a bus. Fortunately, you don’t have to look that way.

All you can remember from last night is a packed 699 on the way into town and someone forcing a nondescript fluorescent beverage down your neck.

You’ve gone from Miranda Kerr to Kerry Katona within 12 hours and let me tell you, it ain’t lookin’ too sweet. Have no fear – we here at The Tab have got a fool proof guide on ridding the evidence of those preferably forgettable nights at Privilege. You’ll learn, novices.

Under eye bags. Now, unless walking round looking like Li-Lo at her next court appearance is your thing, we need to tackle these babies quickly – it’s the first sure sign of a heavy night out.

The solution I hear you cry? Tea bags. Yep. Keep two clean tea bags handy and moisten in cold water and stick them in your mini fridge for a while. Place them over your eyes for 25-30 minutes – Lie back, relax and if possible try not to bring those quad-vod’s back up while you’re at it. Glamorous.

Finish by washing your eyes and face with cold water. Finish the job using a heavy duty brightening concealer under there like Touché Eclat by Yves Saint Laurent, or Erase Paste by Benefit – assuming that nice big loan of yours has hit the account of course. (For those not so lucky, George at Asda do an absolutely cracking one too, for pennies.)

Illuminate the whole of the under eye to pretend you don’t feel like death. (Using George at Asda illuminating under eye pen)

Now let’s move onto skin. That cocktail of 2am Chesters and copious amounts of alcohol will be starting to wreak havoc on your face. Unless you’re blessed with genetics of a goddess you’re gonna end up with a highly entertaining dot-to-dot which, once you’ve passed out for the third night that week, will most probably be abused with a sharpie.

Decent BB creams are more essential in creating even skin tone, brightening, hydrating and giving a general overhaul than any other product. They’re specifically targeted at poor, dull dehydrated faces like yours and will work wonders when paired with an energizing moisturiser. Maybelline do a great one, and in terms of moisturiser, splash the cash on Clarins energising water based lotion, which is packed with vitamins and fancy bits all tailored to making you look nearly human again. Just about.

A slick of mascara, bronzer and a nice flush of colour to your cheeks with a peachy blush and you’re just about on par with a Victoria’s Secret model (We aren’t making any promises.)

To be honest though, pushing yourself into a cold shower and scrubbing the remainders of your dignity away is also a good way of sorting your life out after a night out on the cobbles. You can’t polish a turd.

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