‘The Problem With…’ – Snapchat

Texting used to be the lowest form of communication. For a while, this was great. A text is a small, clear collection of words carrying a message or instruction that is cheap and easy to send. It’s easy to say ‘Meet you at the pub at 9’ or ‘Can you pick up some milk on your way home?’

Unfortunately, idiots started texting. These idiots couldn’t fully express themselves in their chosen language.

The glory days of texting

These are the same people who originally put Xs at the end of their messages. These people were worried the recipient of their message for whom they held some form of affection didn’t realise.

They were worried ‘I love you’ as a message was insufficient. They were worried ‘I really enjoyed seeing you last night’ wasn’t enough. They were worried, and now we have XXXXXXXX. Every. Fucking. Time.

Largely, though not entirely, teenage couples are to blame for this. At some point, we all had a ‘two hundred texts per night’ cyber-date before falling asleep to the flashing vibrations of your Blackberry Bold.

When you are 16, the best way to show your naïve infatuation with your pony-tailed wank bait is to overdose on mild innuendo and an emoticon of a grinning pile of shit.

Snapchat is this, five years later. This horrible teenage affliction has grown up and got more high-tech, and a bit more sexually adventurous.

Now, we can personalise our emoticons. Instead of a yellow, crudely animated cartoon face we can take pictures of our own poorly rendered,  over-exposed, emotionally damaged faces and subject our friends to them for up to ten awkward seconds.

…good

If there has to be something wrong with our generation, this is it.

We don’t talk to each other any more, we don’t even have phone calls. When I suggested to my housemate he call the girl he had slept with the night before, he replied ‘that’s a bit personal really’ before Snapchatting her a picture of his gurning cum-face.

Snapchat might be the worst thing ever. I am genuinely worried for the 14 year-olds growing up in a Snapchat world. Unfortunately, while it remains a universal truth that even the ugliest person can look vaguely passable while pouting in a selflie, we are stuck with it.

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