Liverpool, Leeds and Manchester have always shared a friendly rivalry. Whether because of respective history, music scenes, culture, football, or nightlife, residents of each city believe they have bragging rights over their Northern neighbours.

But let’s ignore what makes each city great for once, and try to identify once and for all which city best fits the description of every Southerner’s favourite stereotype.

The Weather

Typical.

The Northern stereotype is icy winds and perpetual rainfall. Is it really that bad? Yes.

Leeds in winter (especially in a student house) is like living in northern Siberia, and Liverpool’s windier than your grandma’s arse. But it’s ALWAYS raining in Manchester; summer doesn’t happen there. Mancunian weather is definitely the most depressing.

Local Accent

At their worst, the accents can be categorised like this:

• The Scouse Squeal – about as incomprehensible as a phlegmy Pingu.
• The Manc Whine – resembles an out of tune air raid siren.
• The Leeds Monotone –  somehow has an air of assumed superiority whilst also sounding like it’s the result of a recent lobotomy.

Looks

With the snazzy docks, famous architecture and sparkling clean Liverpool One, there’s no way Liverpool can win this category.

The 1996 IRA bombing of the Manchester city centre ironically ended up modernising and improving the city. The trendy northern quarter is reminiscent of East Village, New York (hipster vibe, commissioned graffiti, etc.) and the high skyline gives it a big city feel that the other two cities don’t quite have.

Away from the surrounding countryside and parks, Leeds is depressingly grey. You don’t get the same vibrancy on first arrival at the train station as you do in Manchester or Liverpool (let’s not mention Liverpool’s coach station). Leeds isn’t really THAT ugly, but the greyness just makes it the ugliest of the three.

Well, maybe Leeds isn’t that bad.

Dodgiest Student Area

Smithdown in Liverpool, Fallowfield in Manchester and Hyde Park in Leeds are the main student areas in each city.

Hyde Park is a massive student area and really has that student bubble feel. Fallowfield gets props for being just a short walk away from the Curry Mile and the best takeaway on the face of the earth: the original Saajan.

Just a stone’s throw from Manchester’s student ghetto

Our beloved Smithdown does have everything any student area needs; shit pubs, shit bars, shit takeaways and a half-decent supermarket. But with a load of dilapidated houses at the top end and a big fuck off graveyard in the middle to remind you of your mortality, Smithdown Road isn’t exactly the most welcoming place on a first arrival.

In recent years it also became more widely famous for the Smithdown riots. This, along with the standard dodgy crime rates of any big city student area (despite Liverpool’s general safety), means Smithdown is going to have to win this category.

Taking into account the grey, the cold and the unpopular accent, I’m going to have to go out on a whim and officially declare Leeds as the grimmest city of the three.

Sorry if you’re from Leeds. At least you aren’t from Birmingham.

Like The Tab on Facebook and follow us on Twitter.