Six things you need to prepare before clubs reopen in Lincoln

Having your ID on you isn’t all you need to remember when you start going out again…

It’s happening. As promised, Bojo and his team have somehow pulled off releasing us all back into the wild (and by wild, I mean public spaces). It began on April 12th, with the reopening of non-essential shops and bars and restaurants for outdoor dining. On May 17th, these restrictions will be lifted further, allowing people to eat and drink in indoor spaces and even – wait for it – hug each other (all the people who’s love language is physical touch: your time has come).

With everything seemingly going to plan, touch wood, there is little over a month to go until June 21st. The promised land, the final step towards normality, clubs will reopen. Admittedly, it’s been a while since any of us have stepped foot inside anywhere, let alone the sticky dance floors of a nightclub.

While we may be young, going out to a night club feels more like an urban myth than a reality, told to us by shiny alumni students and bright SU adverts. And, like most urban myths, the idea of these places reopening brings mixed feelings of excitement and total dread. Kind of like when you know you’ve had one vodka lemonade too many, except this anxiety cannot be upended by a tactical chunder (remember those?).

And so, we have very kindly constructed a list of things you should probably do in order to prepare for returning to Lincoln nights out.

1. Knowing which nights out you’re going to

Quack, Union or Bull?

This only really applies to second and third years – freshers, you can skip this one. As much as I hate to say it, once you hit second and third year, there is a level of dedication you need to commit to in order to acquire your degree. Hopefully, by now you will have established your favourite nights out. Whether you’re a die-hard Quack goer, or a Bull for life, knowing which nights out you can afford to miss out on is going to hurt, but is totally necessary.

2. Knowing the right time to set off from pres

If you don’t remember, or never got the chance to (rip freshers 2021) pres are a very important aspect of the night out. It’s where you meet up with everyone you’re going out with that night, attempt some pre-club photos, and drink enough of your own alcohol to make the rest of your night as cheap as possible. However, you realise it’s nearing 11 pm, and your Bull tickets are invalid past then. But you’re all the way in Pavs, you’ll never make it in time in your drunken stupor, with one man down in the toilets already. Part of the night out experience is calculating exactly what time you need to set off in order to reach the clubs just as it gets busy enough for it to not feel like you arrived awkwardly early.

3. Getting used to walking EVERYWHERE

Note that everyone is wearing COMFORTABLE trainers

If you’ve been taking advantage of the easing lockdown restrictions, you have already taken the necessary steps to prepare your body for the strenuous task of trekking everywhere on your night out. Lincoln is a small city, which is a blessing really. We never need to fork out for a taxi (bless the poor girl I went out with during freshers who asked if we would be getting an Uber to Quack), but it does mean that you do have to add a couple of extra minutes onto your travel time if you want to make it anywhere on time. Which is easier said than done when you’re five pre-drinks deep and one of your friends is certain that swimming across the Brayford would be quicker than walking around it.

4. Practising your ‘I’m totally sober rn’ face

Super sober, not at all wasted

A very important device, perfected by those who took GCSE drama, and a little bit of a mystery to the rest of us. This step is vital if you want to even get within five feet of the club doors. Bouncers can be picky when they want to, and let’s be honest no amount of borrowed body spray will hide the smell of own-brand vodka, so your sober face is really going to carry you through this performance. The trick here is to not act so sober that you go full circle and end up creeping them out with your really big smiles and wide eyes.

5. Learning to lip read the bartenders

I don’t remember asking for buckets of Jager, but we got them

Bless the bartenders who tolerate us as we attempt with a slightly drunken slur to ask for two VKs and a quack-tail. With all of the bad singing, intense music and shuffling bodies, it must be hard for the bartenders to keep track of the people they are serving. If we can do anything to make this ordeal a little easier for them, it would be to learn how to lipread after eight jager bombs and to stop saying ‘WHATTTTTT’ when they tell us the cost of our order.

6. Deciding which Maccies to go to

Perhaps the most exciting part of your night out – if you’re me anyway – is the trip (by foot, obviously) to Maccies. By the time 3 am rolls around, nothing sounds better than a box of six chicken nuggets and cheese bites. And in Lincoln, we are weirdly spoilt for choice when it comes to picking which Maccies to go to. If you’ve been to Quack, obviously you’re going to ‘roundabout’ Maccies, a hop, skip and one (very busy) roundabout from the Engine Shed. If you’re in town, then the one on the High Street is definitely the one for you (rip to the old Maccies near Cornhill Quarter, you will have a place in my heart forever).


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