There are 12 types of Leeds students in lockdown and you’re definitely one of them
Please don’t let me be the takeaway tyrant
As yet another lockdown looms on the horizon, we’ve been given a bed-time, a limit of 6 friends and a possible pub ban. Boris is proving himself to be the North’s strict mum who struggles to control her children. And whilst the threat of being grounded is frustrating enough, the thought of who we’ll become whilst we’re stuck in is even more horrifying.
Are we really going to revert back to the people we left behind somewhere around June? Probably.
So: cue causal alcoholism, Chloe Ting workouts and somehow blowing your student loan without even leaving the building…except this time, we have to balance our personality changes with actual uni work.
- The Pessimist
You knew there was no hope once Fruity was closed for the foreseeable future. Now, you question the purpose of university life: it was never really about getting that degree. What’s the point of bothering when Minerva is a pain to access anyway? You can often be found moping around the flat, like a sad ghost that’s lost its livelihood. It never hits the same when you’re drinking in the kitchen.
2. The Optimist
You’re the one who told everyone that uni would only be closed for Easter, and you’re probably the one reassuring everyone that the 10pm curfew surely can’t last until next March. That’s a year of our lives and like, totally unfair. You spend your time locked in trying to organise seshes for your iso buddies, only to realise you forgot mixers in your food shop. Oh well, they’re for lightweights anyway.
3. The Day Drinker
2pm? Lecture time for some, but for you it’s time to crack open your first bev. You blame Boris’ curfew for introducing you to bad habits, hoping no one would remember when you began pres at 4. You’ll be passed out by 7, but at least you’ve had an early night ready for your 9am.
4. The Baker
It’s Bakery 164, but make it broke uni student – your flatmates either love you for making them food all the time, or hate you for always making a mess. Being stuck in is the perfect time to attempt those hacks you’ve seen all over your for you page. That’s until you realise you need to clear it all up after, and slowly creep back into your room. It’s somebody else’s problem now.
5. The Fitness Guru
What’s that noise on floor 3 of Central Village? Oh, it’s just Samantha with her online Yoga Soc membership. Or Ben dropping his weights that totally aren’t too heavy. Instead of using iso as an excuse to be lazy, you’ve sworn you’ll come out with your best body yet. That’s after you’ve finished your left over pizza, of course.
6. The Anti-Socialite
You’re the one who has their camera and microphone off in breakout rooms. It’s not that you don’t care, you just find your course mates really boring and it feels a bit cringy. You spend most of your time in your bedroom, and were secretly glad when the 10pm curfew saved you from queueing for the Headley Verity in the cold.
7. The Reminiscer
You’ve put in yet another Free Prints order, just so you can relive the 3am treks home from town. You even miss the way you could just waltz into Eddy B as you pleased. You feel for the freshers who will never experience Thursday nights at Mission – but secretly smile at the fact that it could never be you.
8. The Vlogger
Your private story is definitely the length of a YouTube video, even though you’re literally doing basically nothing all day. In fact, you’ve probably considered dropping out to be an influencer – how hard could it be? You like to think you’re the main character and people kind of hate to admit that you are. You’ve probably been viral on TikTok at least once and now you always use it as your ‘fun fact’ at the start of lectures.
9. The Identity Crisis
You moved to Leeds expecting the indie vibe to just be handed to you on a plate. But now you’ve realised you actually have to work for it. So you spent lockdown doing your research and reinventing yourself, only to emerge the same person except you have weird coloured hair and an Urban Outfitters coat.
10. The Takeaway Tyrant
How else would you spend your student loan? You either enslave your non-iso friends to bring food to your door or the workers at the local takeaway shudder when they see your address once again. But there’s a method to your madness – it’s also a lowkey way to get back all the Tupperware that your housemates have nicked.
11. The Tidier
You’ve heard way too many horror stories about silverfish in Leodis, and have sworn that will never be you, especially since you’re locked in. You clean up after every sesh just so you can make your tea in a clean environment the next day. You’re 100% the mum friend and your flatmates defo lowkey take you for granted.
12. The Sticky Note Artist
You’ve seen the Leeds coverage on the news and you’re hoping to become the next Banksy. The adrenaline rush you get from people papping your window is unmatched. Lockdown has you wondering why you never took art as you doodle all over your Business notes, oblivious to what your lecture was actually supposed to be about.