Every thought you’ll have while writing your dissertation

It’s that time of year again where third years are starting to REALLY feel the impending doom that is the dissertation deadline. Tutors are expecting title submissions and samples of work, at a time when most people haven’t even got a solid idea yet. As you rush to the library in a mad panic, here’s a list of everything you’ll think as you attempt to start writing your dissertation.

I didn’t sign up for this much work

Do I really need this degree?

Can I still pass if I fail my dissertation?

Every single student has wasted precious dissertation time working out exactly how much they need in other subjects if they fail their dissertation. Every. Single. Student. If someone tells you they haven’t, they’re lying.

I wonder how much I need in this to get a 2:1 overall?

It’s always more than you thought it was, and more than you wanted it to be.

I have loads of time, this isn’t that urgent. Do I really need to start it before Christmas?

Yes, you do. There’s not that much time. Trust me.

I’ll start my draft next week, it’ll be fine

This is a lie.

I’m pretty sure no one else has started yet anyway

So many books

I wonder how successfully I can sneak a hot chocolate into the library?

The inevitable thought process when you go to a library that’s opposite a Costa. During Christmastime this will also be coupled with ‘I wonder how much the new Lindt hot chocolates cost’. Eventually you’ll just give up and go to Costa.

I’ll get some books out of the library today, that’s productive. I’ll read them tomorrow. Maybe.

WHY ARE ALL OF MY BOOKS CHECKED OUT?

This will be followed by a long, unnecessary rant about how selfish people are, because ‘how dare they check out MY books’. Books which you were going to check out with great enthusiasm and then leave in the corner until the dreaded ‘your book has been requested’ email from the library. But still, how can people be so selfish?

Should I be referencing as I go along or can I just do it all at the end?

DO IT AS YOU GO ALONG.

Are footnotes included in the word count?

I’m going to schedule a meeting with my tutor, see what he thinks of my idea

This is another lie. You will probably never see your tutor, and your ‘idea’ is probably only half-formed, something that came to you briefly while watching last night’s I’m a Celeb.

I thought dissertations were supposed to be stressful? I feel fineeeee

OMG I HAVE NEVER FELT STRESS LIKE THIS BEFORE WHAT FRESH HELL IS THIS

At least I’m saving money with all work I’m doing, I’ll never have time to go out at this rate

Have I done enough work to justify going to Fruity this week?

Fruity is always justified. You deserve Fruity. Go have fun.