What it’s really like being a mum at uni

Although it might be hard to believe, there are some of the fabled full-time parents walking around campus with you every day. 

I happen to be one of those. I’m sure you’ve all watched enough episodes of Teen Mom to recognise that having a baby at 18 is not exactly a walk in the park, but I feel it’s time to set the story straight from the studying mum’s point of view

I finished my final A-level exam 36 weeks pregnant, a month after my 18th birthday – my stomach was so big I barely fit under the desk. I gave birth to my beautiful 8lb son, and yes, labour was the most excruciatingly painful experience of my life, but it was also liberating and powerful to see what my body was truly capable of.

I reapplied for uni during my gap year/maternity year and started Leeds when my son was 14 months old. Before falling pregnant I knew that I wanted to go to university, so I thought: why not still go?

Before starting uni I had no idea how my double life was going to work. I knew that technically it was plausible, I did theoretically have enough hours in the day to be both mum and student but I was more worried about the mental strain of such a full schedule.

My day-to-day schedule is busy. No need for an alarm in this household, because Arlo wakes between 6.30 and 7am every morning. Yes, every morning – no lie-ins, ever, not even on a Sunday. I’m generally awoken with the words “mummy wake up, need a wee” before dressing, feeding and walking an uncooperative two-year-old to the nursery down the road before getting on a train and going to lectures/seminars.

Being a mum is time and energy-consuming: you spend every waking moment plagued with guilt for leaving him in nursery, and then when you’re at home, especially on weekends, you’re conscious that you’re neglecting your uni work.

The key to living the double life is organisation and efficiency. I spend all of the time I have available on campus in the library doing readings and essay prep. Yes, I do start writing my essays four weeks early, but if I didn’t I wouldn’t finish them on time.

Doing this allows me to spend all of the time I’m not at uni doing cool stuff with my two-and-a-half year old. We love going on day trips to museums, farms, parks, play gyms. Being a parent means you also get to be a big kid again. I get to hang out in ball pools on a weekend and watch Disney films at the cinema.

The true unspoken story of being a uni mum is just how rewarding it is. I have no time to spare but that’s because all my time is focused on spending time with the pint-sized person I love so intently and studying the subject I’m truly passionate about – and if results are anything to go by, relatively successfully.

Due to the hectic nature and limited time on campus it’s often very difficult to make connections with other people. I have the opportunities to make friends on my course but no automatic friendship groups that you find in halls or in societies. If you know anyone whose university experience is slightly different to your own, if they’re a parent or young carer or simply live at home, please invite them out to places (a few weeks in advance of course so arrangements can be made) and help involve them in events outside of normal uni hours.

I haven’t been on an Otley run, or to Fruity or Mint. But I am addicted to Instagram, enjoy drinking copious amounts of wine, and like a Netflix binge as much as the next person. I’m not very hip (or edgy, whatever ever that means) and my body is that of a middle-aged woman with a stomach full of stretch marks. But I am incredibly happy, you’ll find me around campus just thrilled to be here.

Having a baby certainly puts everything into perspective – it gives you a sense of purpose and direction. I had to fight to be here at the university and make the most of every day. I know where I want to go with my life and I have a reason to keep working hard – and napping harder.