Sex is great – just not so late!
If Sunday nights aren’t made for drinking tea, catching up on news, & listening to neighbours have sex, then what is the meaning of life?
The problem with living next door to students, is that similar to you, they’ve watched far too many American sitcoms and hope that sex is a rampaging, orgasmic porn style affair.
Now let me explain, I enjoy sex as much as the next person (when I’m getting some). But this week alone, I’ve been woken up far too many times by my next door neighbour receiving a royal pounding against my wall.
I’m assuming my neighbours aren’t doing DIY but are exploring particular industrial sex fetishes. Apparently, they’ve had one too many tips from 50 Shades of Grey and I’m getting the audio book edition.
As far as my bank balance goes, this quick snip of free porn is the highlight of my night, especially when the only thing accompanying me in my bed is late night journal reading and a mug of Horlicks.
But in all seriousness, late night dirty talk breaches basic neighbourhood conduct – I’ve had nothing to scream about in some time – stop advertising how good your boyfriend is in bed or I will steal him.
Of course, many students are experiencing this late night entertainment:
Despite being so underslept I’m at the point of hysteria, I’m not going to stoop to these levels. Especially because if it was me with the friend with benefits, it could potentially be my neighbours writing a similar article.
Ultimately, this comes to my final question, how is Leeds University only 76th in the University Sex League 2012?
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