Dear Q: Episode 2
‘Help a brother out?’
No dilemma is too big or small, squeamish or offensive. Submit your questions totally anonymously by following the link at the bottom of the article and I'll respond every fortnight in a 'Dear Q' Tab special. Ask away and brace yourself for some hard hitting helpful entertainment. All 'Dear Q' questions and articles are handled exclusively by yours truly and with complete anonymity – your secrets are safe with me.
A variety of questions from you this week, kids. Keep 'em coming!
Hired and Tired
"No matter what job I do, Q, I don't like it. Help a brother out?"
Gonna give you some tough lovin' here and tell you that no one likes having a job – they're good for nothing except money and farting on our fun, and you just have to suck it up and do it. The best way to get through the working week is to acquaint yourself with a great bunch of work friends. If you can have fun while slaving away, you won't even notice the red raw lashings on your back. And get something to motivate yourself through the day to come home to, perhaps involving another kind of job? Keep schwifty, Q.
Oil in a Day's Work
"My hair is so greasy it's actually ruining my life. I wash my hair every morning and still have to put dry shampoo through it before I go out at night. I suffer from pretty bad bacne and I think this is why. Will you be my hero, baby?"
It’s gonna suck, but you need to quit washing it everyday. Christmas is coming up and assuming you’ll be going home for it, take that opportunity to stop washing your hair for about 2 weeks. You can use water, but no shampoo or conditioner. Just keep it tied up the whole time and avoid using heat, or if you have shorter hair, wear a hat. Once two weeks pass, wash your hair when it suits you best – for me this is Mondays, Thursdays and Saturdays as they’re the days I tend to go out. Soon you’ll get into a grease-free routine with an added bonus of regular lie-ins. If that’s too much effort and you’re willing to splash some cash, invest in some silk pillowcases. If the problem persists, go see your doctor. Ps, I can be your hero but I certainly won’t be your baby. Ciao! Q.
"Dear Q, should you ever trust a guy again after he cheats on you? Thanks!"
I'm a massive advocate of second chances, but having been both cheater and cheatee, I wouldn't say it's a strong option. Things like this are all dependent on context, but if I were you I'd follow my gut. Buy some condoms, Q.
Girl on the Brain
“I’m an outgoing, confident person. Lucky enough to have a lot of friends and in a few societies. I’m now in 3rd year of uni and have never had a serious girlfriend. I have no idea how to go about chatting to a girl I like without feeling creepy. I’d love to be able to ask girls on a date but just don’t know how. Any advice welcome?”
Act like a man (if you identify as such) (gotta keep it PC). Be ballsy, with a plan. Tell her what why and when, and even if she turns you down, you now have a great reputation as being a male man with balls. Win! If you frame the date as though it was her idea, she's deffo more likely to go along with it, too. Women are difficult, insecure creatures that don't even know what they want themselves. Keep doing you and someone will come along with your similar interests and desires in no time. I hate to sound like an agony aunt but love comes when you least expect it, man. For the time being, I never fail to pull in Buff Club, so give that a whirl. The power of love is a curious thing. Q.