Questions you get asked if you’re English studying in Glasgow

No, I don’t personally know the Queen

I’ve lived in Scotland for most of my life, yet, I still can’t get rid of my strong English accent. Here’s some questions I get asked on a regular basis. Warning: some are completely ridiculous.

Have you met Her Majesty the Queen? 

Best pals

Oh yeah..  I forgot to mention we are best friends and we Snapchat every day. The reality is no. The Queen only makes short appearances into the public and I haven’t actually spoken any words to her face if that’s what you mean. I’ll forever be a peasant in her eyes and must keep dreaming.

So Essex is near London? You might know my second cousin once removed? 

Cause London isn’t huge

London has a population of seven million, yes, MILLION, people alone which dwarfs the population of Scotland, so the chances I actually know your cousin is beyond slim. Secondly, London isn’t the only place in England, you know. Give Google Maps a hit up.

Do you really just drink tea every day? 

The only nutrient I need

Oddly enough, I dislike tea. I prefer coffee. We aren’t happy go lucky hippies who drink tea and eat crumpets all the time. We pretty much have the same products in England that you have in Scotland with the exception of Irn-Bru… you can only get that in some places.

Why do you always sound so polite? 

Ok, I’m unsure why that is. This’ll always be a mystery to me, but let me tell you, we’re certainly not always trying to be polite.

Can you speak Scottish?

Aye, nae doubt I speak Scottish.

In reality, I can understand the Scots dialect now (after years of learning the local lingo), which is much better than I’ll ever be ever to speak it. Saying Scottish words just make me sound utterly stupid. I sound like I’m a child learning to speak for the first time.

Are crumpets and scones basically the English version of haggis, neep and tatties?

Looks like crumpets

I love how everyone assumes that crumpets and scones are an “English” thing. That’s far from the truth. Haggis, neeps and tatties is a long-standing Scottish tradition – England don’t really have any of these.

Do English people use the Euro? Or do you have your own currency?

It’s the same thing OK

Yes, I’ve actually been asked this. Scotland and England use the same currency. There’s a minor change with the notes as Scottish ones have a different design and figurehead, and England use the Queen. But, thank goodness, I can use the same pound sterling currency in England and in Scotland. Bonus.

Do you find it difficult being at university with the different time zones? 

Yes… I have been asked this, but only once, luckily. Do I really need to make it clear that England and Scotland are in the EXACT same time zone? Wherever I am in Scotland it will be the same time in England. Therefore, the answer to this question is that I don’t struggle with the time zone (Shock! Horror!), however, like any student I find 9am lectures to be a killer.

And finally, there’s always a guarantee that a Scot will try to imitate my accent. No matter what I say they will find a way to try to and make it funny or really posh and it’ll sound nothing like me. I secretly enjoy it, though.