How to keep your dirty secret safe: The essential hangover survival guide

Saving freshers one step at a time

So you strawpedoed a few too many VK’s last night, or you “accidentally” downed that 10th shot of tequila whilst out on a social.

Whatever your story (or lack of it), your alarm is now blaring and you’re not sure if you can smell pizza or that final shot of Sambuca on your breath. But whatever it is, your night out is now ruined by the realisation of your 9am.

The ‘I can’t wait for my 9am’ face.

What to do: do you choose sleep or the seminar?

If you have no option but to choose uni, don’t make your hangover obvious by stumbling into your seminar late, looking like you got dressed in the dark and still having last night’s  stamp smudged on your wrist.

If this is you, you’ll have more chance of remembering Mosaic as being a great night out than getting rid of this hangover from hell, but you can at least educate yourself on ways to hide it.

The ‘death is easier’ pose.

Preparation is key

Always end your night by downing pints, but not the alcoholic kind. Despite how alluring your comfy bed may be, you’ll be thankful of the water in the morning.

Although expensive, drunk food should never be seen as a joke; it is your saviour. Your stomach is full of alcohol and clearly the only thing that can soak it up is cheesy chips or Dominoes.

You NEED those chips right now. They’re basically good for your health.

The answer to all prayers

Awakening from hell

So you’ve turned off your alarm and you’re now stood, well swaying, on the spot.

Congratulations, you’ve made your first hard decision.

Next, stumble towards the shower, attempt to remove the reek of alcohol and create the allusion that you’re as fresh as you look. Whilst showering, ensure you remove the prominent door stamp that gives away your dirty little secret, or else all of your efforts will be ruined.

Eat as much as you can handle, the greasier the better.

Would anything less be acceptable?

Before leaving the house, ensure you’ve done all you can to remove the repellent stench of booze (toothpaste, mouthwash) and ALWAYS have gum on you; no one wants to be sat next to the guy that stinks of sambuca for two hours..

Drink plenty, be this coffee or energy drinks, the queue in Costa may be long, but the energy boost will be worth every second.

Alternatively if ‘hair of the dog’ is more your style and you want to prolong your hung over state, just drink more alcohol!

Tab socials are the best socials.

When it comes to outfit, as long as you are not wearing last night’s clothes, anything goes.

Finally, although the bright lights will feel like they are slowly killing you, sunglasses only work in the summer, in the winter you’ll only draw more attention to yourself.

Good luck

Basically, be present but don’t stand out, before you know it you’ll be reunited with the safety of your bed.