Five types of people you find in Exeter clubs

1)   Beanie Girl

This could be a meme.

It’s cold outside – I get it – but when did it become acceptable to wear a beanie in  a club? Once the reserve of those most, for want of a better word, ‘edgy’ clubs, the beanie has seemingly become endemic throughout Exeter’s nightlife scene. I imagine the thought process is that it separates one from the crowd by suggesting a lack of effort , because fuck it, not caring is cool at unay. On the other hand you may just have a really cold head. Fuck knows.

Obligatory Beanie Girl expression.

2)   Snapback Lad

Let’s get things straight, I have nothing against snapbacks, but I take issue that some people either A) look shit in them, or B) wear one that looks ridiculous with the rest of their outfit. Presumably they’re thinking:  Snapbacks + Moz = Girls, and in the sudden realisation they are neither A) DJs or B) EURFC, they need a bit of pea-cocking to get them their dream ‘Beanie Girl’. Alternatively, they must just have no idea it looks silly, which vaguely annoys me and I found this was the easiest way to tell them.

Look how creepy that red thing is though?

 3)   The Sportsman

Could be something out of a cult.

Sorry to get cliché here, but it has to be included. Although it is perhaps best the sports crowd be given this night to separate them from cooing pigeons, they do somewhat deserve the reputation for being, troublesome. Just the standard complaints, really – nothing new about the fact the AU lot love to have a good old dick measuring contest on top floor. However, I’ve found it’s mainly the lesser sports that really seem to feel the need to reaffirm their manliness by pushing in the queue and spilling your drink, and not rugby union. The rugby lot are too content being homoerotic and shouting at things to cause that much trouble. I’m looking at you, EULC.

4)   The Pigeon

When I spot one, all I can think is “Who let you into Mosaic? Back to Arena where you belong.” These lost souls one day decided to spread their wings and migrate from the arctic tundra of Thursday Lemmy to the warmer climes of Dirty Beats. This is bad for the pigeons, who are often overwhelmed with the discovery of fun on a Thursday night, and get disorientated. They are eventually picked off by third year hawks, no matter how large the fleet.

5)   The Bellend

This is most likely all of us, who have to settle for Arena and overcompensate with booze, and even up taking ridiculous photos such as this one above. At one point or another we’ve all done a pose similar to this, earning us the title of ‘bellend’ to anyone who might stumble across such a photo or such an act and label it “traaaaaaagic mate”. To be honest, when you’re drunk, anyone who doesn’t know you probably thinks you’re a bellend. If not, you’re either boring or a pigeon and you hate unay.