“It’s Tee Time”? Make that Tee-Total

Logging into Facebook today, I was greatly angered by a post from “University of Exeter Freshers 2013-2014”. “Keep your Freshers tee handy”, it casually remarked. They’re giving out T-Shirts to everyone now?! I mean, I know the Uni has plenty of cash to chuck around, but this is going too far.

I mean, all I got in my Freshers Pack was a stack of leaflets, a collapsible drinks bottle that tasted of stale plastic (when I put water in it; I didn’t try to eat it. Just making sure we’re clear) and a growing sense of dismay as I realised I now had even more crap to go and chuck in the recycling bin.

In fact, I’m incredibly tempted to round up a few of my equally incensed friends and crash Lafrowda with some plastic bags from Tesco (apologies if it’ll offend any rahs, we can’t all afford Waitrose), grab as many of the offending items as possible and hold a public bonfire outside Cornwall House. Who needs a pre-arranged BBQ to meet new friends when you can enjoy the wrath of irate second-years creating their own?

Newly-created Freshers event: “Welcome” bonfire

Expect to receive a lot of free booze next week, newbies. Because we’ll be asking you to “down it, fresher” until you’re down. On the floor, that is.

Maybe the whole experience will make you become “tee-total.”