Nudity, Gameboys and Roleplay – The Exam Essentials

With Facebook and Twitter status’ piling high (note to self that the exam results of social media users can be reduced by 20%) and the number of sleepers in the library ever increasing, exam season must fast be approaching.

And isn’t it just the season to be jolly.

So whether you eat precisely 193 Coco Pops on the morning of your exam, repeat a steady and hourly mantra of ‘I will not fail’ or end up screaming about dropping out, becoming a crack addict and selling your body to feed countless screaming children, it’s whatever works for you right?

However, if your traditional revision methods and exam preparation is leaving you less than inspired, the following suggestions just may be able to spice up that monotonous and stagnant routine.

1. Feel as if you’re banging your head against a wall?

Try banging your head against a book instead. While, going to sleep on your text book and praying that every page is absorbed during the night through the process of osmosis is the dream of every exam geek, I once had a geography teacher who seriously believed he had a photographic memory. Rather than just read his notes, a technique for mere mortals, he would blink rapidly and bang his head against the page before turning over and repeating the process. Desperate times, desperate measures and all that.

2. Fame and Fortune – it’s a slippery slope.

For all those budding playwrights, actors and singers. The very best of you have spent hours recording yourself reading your revision aloud, putting those words to music and playing yourself in the shower.

Roleplay is another favoured technique whether that involves you dressing up as a French maid or using your prized collection of china dolls to act out the characters in your assessed text. But, if you’re not going to put on the correct voices for each role, don’t bother.

3. Daring to Bare

One student recalled that going commando for that final exam last year made all the difference whether allowing for that extra sense of freedom, a greater circulation of air stimulating a better thought process and those few extra marks or purely for kicks.

‘It worked out pretty well results wise, so maybe I will take it up full time this year’.

I wonder just how many of you will be ticking away those priceless minutes looking under the tables?

4. Gaming

Not strategy, timetabling or technique, I’m talking about computer games, Xbox and Pokemon. Dust away the cobwebs, or pretend to, from your Gameboy and collection of games to break up your reading and reveal a more competitive, even slightly paedophilic side.

‘A 2.1’s great and all that, but it’s nothing on conquering the Pokemon League’.

5. And as if you don’t already do it enough…

Student 1 to Student 2 on the way to an exam: ‘So how’s your revision been going?’

Student 2: ‘I’ve never wanked so much in my life.’

Perhaps due to the sheer boredom of revision, it’s definitely on the up. Studies have even suggested that masturbation before exams can increase your concentration and focus as well as calming nerves giving you and your right hand the green light. Perhaps just don’t do it in the exam unless you’re a real thrill seeker.

If you’re both talented and ambitious, the should-be hallmark of every Exeter student, you could even try multitasking. Wanking whilst banging your head against your textbook can only bring about bigger and better exam results.