Tab Rates/Tab Hates

TAB RATES

Hot Water Bottles -Or any way of keeping warm during this overlong winter. Hot water bottles, onesies, cuddly toys with removable microwavable pouches, individual toe socks, tea in fun flasks; novelty items are one of the few benefits of sub-zero temperatures and the Tab embraces them wholeheartedly.

Oh, how I love my onesie.

Sex – Reading about it, thinking about it, doing it in strange places (Tab readers love the library loos….): sex is good exercise, boosts endorphins and gives a certain glow all at once. It’s basically a gym trip, therapy session and spa day in one, and the Tab loves multitasking.

Names on Starbucks cups – No matter how bad your day has been, Starbucks baristas’ attempts to write down your name will make you smile. This writer has been Anne-Ben, Able and, on one memorable occasion, A-hole. Charming.

I believe this is supposed to be “Amy”.

Primark Pants -Cheap, cheerful, and in so many styles and colours. Rather than rooting through piles of dirty laundry when packing to go home, just buy a couple of packets for under a fiver and you’re good to go. Genius.

TAB HATES

Spare Tyres – Cold weather and essay deadline comfort-eating, and too many pints in Teviot has contributed to wobbly flab which pokes over the top of skinny jeans and under jumpers. Tab dislikes; the gym is just too much effort.

Not this sort of tyre.

Racism -It’s not big, it’s not clever and it’s not just “a joke”, even on Facebook. Simple as.

End-of-the-Month Broke – The rent’s due, the bills are due, supermarket value food turns out to be horsemeat and your Spice Girls Greatest Hits has failed to sell on Amazon. It’s time to Google “How To Auction Off A Kidney”…..

What’s in the freezer? Oh…..

Primark Pants – …..There’s a reason they’re cheap. One wash and they’re holey and fraying, they bag and sag in funny places, and they’re just not very sexy.The Tab has learned its lesson.

Not exactly famed for the strength of their knicker elastic.