Stop putting lost items which clearly have the owner’s name in Overheard in Durham
You’re not the heroes you think you are
Picture this: you're scrolling through Overheard in Durham because you've lost you puffer jacket on a night out and you inevitably see three posts about lost campus cards. Have you wondered how long it takes to actually find its owner? I have: less than a minute.
Or even worse: an ID, which has both a first and last name.
So, if it takes so little time to look for the rightful owner of these items, how come they are constantly posted in Overheard in Durham? I have explored two options: 1) you're too dumb to figure out how to use the Facebook messaging system or 2) you want people to think you're a good person.
1) You're too dumb to figure out how to use the Facebook messaging system.
You got into a competitive course in a competitive uni, and yet basic technological skills evade you. Maybe you study History and didn't think you'd ever have to touch a computer. Maybe you lived in a cave for the last five years and have just gotten a Facebook account, exclusively to post about the campus card you found on the way to Jimmy's.
In any case, life must be awkward for you. Do you try to chat up girls on their Facebook wall? Have you poked anyone in the last three years? Please seek help. Together, we can make you enter the 21st century.
2) You want people to think you're a good person.
You're a nice person. You want people to know that. And so, when you find a lost item on the street, you smile in glee at the opportunity to post about a good action on social media. If I go through your Instagram, I'll see pictures of you volunteering during your gap year, with the hashtags #givingback, #blessed. You volunteer, but only to spice up your CV.
This being said, please message me next time you find my ID in the street (and there will be a next time). Because even worse than people who do this, are people who see IDs on the floor and decide to go on with their lives.