Romance isn’t dead, and you’re not a psycho if you don’t give up on your ex
Has nobody seen The Notebook?
Recently, there has been an outburst of articles, across the Tab and other social media and news platforms, suggesting that those who go after their exes are “psychopaths” and reconciling with previous boyfriends or girlfriends is completely unacceptable.
In some cases, understandably it can get a bit creepy.
Scenario A: You break up with your 8 month, maybe 18 at a push, “long term” boyfriend and move away to university. You were never compatible, maybe even going out “for the sake of it”.
You then go completely crazy trying to impress him/her on social media, dragging every decent looking member of the opposite sex into numerous snapchats or ‘facebooking’ every “memorable-looking” event. Ultimately, this exemplifies a case where alarm bells are ringing…maybe you are a psychopath? Let’s hope you move on.
Scenario B: Your boyfriend/girlfriend cheats on you…or did you cheat on them? It’s all very messy, you move away. It CLEARLY wasn’t working. Don’t try to force it, trying to reignite the flame would be pointless, as much as it would be degrading.
Maybe you wouldn’t be a psychopath to get back with your ex, but your relationship sounds a bit dysfunctional, so probably best to leave it. Maybe get with the person you cheated with? Just a suggestion.
Scenario C: You have a fling; 6 months, maybe 10, tops. Your classic college romance, finding your feet in the world of love and relationships. You drift a bit, follow the crowd of ‘distance’ fuelled break ups, no hard feelings. “Give it a few years”, you say. For one reason or another, you go your separate ways; you are Allie and Noah. You never really stopped liking one another, because there was no reason to hate.
One of you may find someone else, an equally attractive, funny, charming suitor, but you know deep down that your first love was the most compatible. Regardless of your new, rosy relationship, your best times with your boyfriend/girlfriend are marked by better times with your ex.
You’ve grown up a bit, got more time on your hands, experience on your back. The exception? Or one too many rom-coms…
You may never get back together, but why can’t you be friends with your ex? Why can’t you like each other’s Facebook posts and Instagram photos in a form of amicable acknowledgement? Why can’t you chat, have friendly, polite conversation, like normal friends? Maybe even meet up for a drink from time to time, who knows where it could go.
You went out for a reason, so unless there has been some serious drama in the relationship, why can’t this be the opportunity for an eventual happy ending?
Arguably, cutting the ties and erasing someone out of your life is taking it a bit far. “Psychopathic” to stay friends with your ex? Or maybe just showing a bit of humility.