10 biggest lies people tell on a night out

You’ll have heard them all, and you’ll have told most of them. ZOSIA EYRES gives you the lowdown of our late night fibs.

Let’s make sure we stay together tonight’ 

I have a bit of an axe to grind with this one – I don’t know if this happens with guys as well, but I cannot count how many supposed girls nights out I’ve had which start with us all saying how nobody is going to leave and get with anyone else.

Of course, it never happens – we get to the club, the males descend and I don’t see most of my friends till the next morning. If you think I’m talking about you, I probably am. Stop leaving me.

Pre-club deception

‘I’ll make sure you don’t drink too much’

If I’m honest, even I don’t ever have any intention of keeping this one. Sure, this probably makes me an awful friend, but unless you’re throwing up, I’ll probably be nodding encouragingly when you ask if another shot is a good idea.

True camaraderie

‘No seriously, I promise, I won’t text them’

Everyone knows this is a lie, stop it. It’s for your own good, lessening the chance of us spending the whole night trying to console you when your ex doesn’t reply with what you wanted to hear.

Who even writes like this anymore, it’s not 2006.

Anything about your identity

There seem to be three main reasons for these lies: 1) To stave off unwanted attention 2) To avoid unnecessary contact from someone at a more sober point in time (if you aren’t gonna pull, what’s the point, right?) and 3) To make yourself seem better than you are.

Maybe this is why every man in Durham seems to live in the Castle?

Easily fooled

‘What?! I’m not drunk!’

Bit of a Catch 22: the more you deny it, the drunker you seem. It’s a fact of life. So let’s just stop telling each other how drunk we are and find something else in our meaningless lives to talk about.

I’m sober, I swear!

‘You still look amazing!’

This is always an awkward one; your friend grabs you after having been out for 3 hours and asks you if she looks ok. Her hair’s lopsided, her makeup is down her face but you know that damage control isn’t really much of an option at this point.

My advice is to just say she looks amazing and carry on – this one’s only a white lie, isn’t it?

Mohawk is definitely back in

‘I’m spending £15 tonight and no more’

Why oh why must I always wake up the morning after a night out wondering where the hell all my money has gone? I’ve promised to spend no more than £10, but somehow £40 has disappeared from my wallet.

Oh I remember now, it’s because I thought it was an amazing idea to buy everyone a round of drinks to show how nice I am, it’s because I paid entry to the most expensive club in town even though we planned to go somewhere else and it’s because I ended getting a taxi back because I’m lazy.


Cashless void

‘I’m definitely not going to get any food at the end of the night.’

This is related to the previous lie – you leave the house saying that you don’t have enough money or self-confidence (not endorsing this self-loathing) to get food, but of course you end up gorging your face on your preferred ‘this is going to make me feel awful in the morning’ choice of meal.

Costume optional

‘I don’t remember anything’

This is not a valid excuse for what was probably incredibly embarrassing or downright disgusting behaviour.

Grow up, little Jimmy

‘I’m never drinking again’

Yeah…. I’m pretty sure you say this after every hangover, but you and I know we’ll be doing this all again tomorrow, although sometimes I’m just not sure I totally understand why…

Till next time