5 ways to break up with someone before the holidays
A pool of endless sexual opportunity is on the approach, and POPPY OVENDEN wants to make sure you can enjoy it properly.
The uni year is almost over, and most of us are planning out our potentially conquests for the summer. However, there’s still the small issue of how to end things with the 7 you’ve been seeing all year (it was only ever meant to be a back up…)
Here’s how to avoid having to tell the other person that you really like them, but not quite enough to not get with other people over the holidays:
Have a fight
You may want to go back to an argument that you’ve had a few times already, or you could even bring up something completely new.
Either way, don’t back down, allow no room for understanding or compromise, throw in a reasonable amount of shouting, and end it all by claiming that there is no possibility of change and that this has become such a major issue for you that there is no conceivable way forward but to go your separate ways.
Start acting like a tool
Begin telling your other half that they’re getting a too fat, that they could really put more effort in on those gym trips. building up to being generally obnoxious and arrogant and constantly letting them know how superior you are at absolutely everything.
Failing this, you could just try acting like a total weirdo. With any luck, this will lead to the aforementioned fight anyway and you can go from there, or else the other person will just get scared and helpfully end things of their own accord.
Tell them you’re bi
Young people are always hearing that this is the ‘time for experimentation’, and what better time to crack out the excuse to give them impression that you’re thinking of playing for the other team?
Although you do risk leaving the other person with horrendous self-doubt, and with the belief that they are so undesirable they’re capable of turning someone, it’s relatively harmless and avoids the awkward chat without seeming like a dickhead.
Just be prepared for people to look at you in a whole new ways until it all dies down.
Cut off all communication
Don’t reply to their texts, ignore them in the street, turn your back on them at social gatherings, and stop doing anything that vaguely resembles contact. It’s cold, it’s brutal, but hopefully they’ll get the message.
If not, you can always get with someone else in front of them for a bit of added clarity on your position.
‘No free time’
Sit them down and tell them earnestly how busy you’re going to be over summer. Let them know in depth about your family holidays and many gatherings of relatives to attend, about your 2 month long internship and couple of weeks of work experience and, on top of all that, about your time pledged to volunteer in Peru.
Essentially, let them know unequivocally that you have no free time at all, how it just wouldn’t be fair on them, and consequently how you’d feel morally unable to live with yourself at the idea of letting this relationship continue.