What the fuck is quinoa?

Did you take a gap yah? Did you visit Perah? Then you’ve probably heard of quinoa


Only I know how to say it

I first discovered quinoa way back last year and, having never heard of it before, I pronounced it exactly how it was spelled. It was good few months until my friend who’d eaten nothing but quinoa on her gap year took pity on me and welcomed me into the cult.

So let’s clear this up: it’s ‘keen-wah’. Go on, proclaim it to the world, just saying it makes you feel healthy. It seems I’m not alone either, as quinoa’s been sold out for the last 2 weeks in my local Tesco, a situation one fellow quinoa-ist described as “a travesty”.

“A travesty”

It always makes you feel like you’re eating healthily

Let’s be honest, quinoa tastes like crap… tiny little, dusty pieces of crap. However, in a recent bid to remove the carbohydrates from our house meals, I took the plunge and cooked some, but I cooked it as a sort of risotto with Parmesan, spinach and pine nuts to try and win over my housemates. Surprisingly, this went down a storm with the girls and, having reassured them of the very high protein content, they were pretty chuffed with the tasty substitute. Probably best not to mention the excessive amount of cheese I put in there…

The resemblance to my meal is uncanny…

Gwyneth told me to

For those of you who don’t know, Gwyneth Paltrow is a 40 year old goddess, she has 2 kids and still has a body to rival any underwear models.

She’s even released a cookbook, kind of similar to the Bible but for all health obsessed people out there.

Her book includes many a quinoa recipe, and even a recipe for what to do with left over quinoa! Who in the world is leaving their quinoa? Don’t they know it’s sold out in Tesco?

Anyway, if you want a body like Gwyneth’s, you better start chowing it down.

This woman is 40!?

It’s fashionable

Super foods are in, and quinoa is the new kid on the block.

The protein rich psuedo-cereal replacement for carbohydrates will be on the dinner table of any keen fitness fanatic.

It tastes good hot or cold, so also makes a perfect packed lunch to bring to the library.

Just make sure you flash it around too so everyone knows you’re ‘the girl eating quinoa.’

Keen for quinoa (funny if you pronounce it right)…

It’s gluten free

I don’t know about you, but in our house, we don’t do gluten.

None of us are celiac; we just don’t want to bloat, especially not before we don our crop tops for a Wednesday night out.

What with our M&S gluten free fishcakes sitting in our freezer, and our gluten free spaghetti in our cupboard, quinoa fits in a treat.

Now this girl’s been eating her quinoa

This article was originally published on The Tab Durham