News Column: Week Three

A Halloween theme this week, with pumpkins and students spooked by intruders

My household made it to week three before we received the dreaded “your household’s asymptomatic test has come back positive. Please self-isolate for 14 days” text, meaning my days are spent staring out of the window idly hoping that I will get crushbridged by one of Churchill’s North Court residents. 

Due to these events, my own access to news has been limited to sightings from my window (one of my friends left college four times on Tuesday, which frankly feels excessive) and constant scrolling of Camfess. The highlights of my week have been receiving our Amazon order of a fold-out table (an essential self-isolation item!) a whole three days earlier than expected, and seeing a dog from my window. Luckily, for the 119 out of every 120 students who don’t have asymptomatic COVID, the week has been a bit more exciting:

Free pumpkins at Fitz

Cauliflowers fluffy, cabbages green, Fitz are giving their students free pumpkins and it’s the most wholesome thing I’ve seen. The Fitzwilliam vegetable patch was harvested and students were given free chillis and pumpkins, just in time for Halloween, whilst the gardeners showed off their impressive (and, dare I say, sperm-like) squashes. If that doesn’t make you want to sing “It’s another Harvest Festival” I don’t know what will. 

Year Abroad stress for MML students

MML students have been angered this week following an announcement that the faculty will be using first year’s exam result to decide Erasmus places for their year abroads, despite claiming at the time that the exams, which took place during lockdown, were unofficial and unclassed.

One MML student told The Tab Cambridge: “We weren’t notified that our results last year where what would determine our places in these universities and that places would be so limited in number, with three places available for the 20 of us on our course. As my course in ab initio it’s preferable that we spend our year abroad at a university to get a good grasp of the language… but now this has been jeopardised.”

Alas, French students lived up to their revolutionary past and an email sent to the students the next day confirmed that this would be reversed and an “alternative allocation mechanism” used. Liberté, égalité, fraternité. 

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Dinner for Downing students

Downing College has finally re-opened their hall for students to eat in, provided they either sit in household groups or tables of three. Get ready for the onslaught of “Lunch at 12?” texts coming to your inbox soon!

Surprise intruder at Churchill

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The price you have to pay for the swankiest accommodation at Churchill (photo credits: Sophie Adam)

Churchill celebrated Halloween by being spooked early this week, with its Cowan Court residents being greeted with a surprise intruder at 2am on Sunday evening. The intruder was a PhD student from another Cambridge college, and attempted to enter a student’s room. The victim of this night-time visitor tells us the intruder claimed to be visiting a “fictional girlfriend” and apologises that it “didn’t turn out to be the romantic end to the evening he had hoped for…” 

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An email sent to Cowan Court residents following the incident.

Puppies at Peterhouse

On a more wholesome note, having received the memo of week two blues, Peterhouse has reintroduced welfare dog walks for students, and I’m currently googling how to transfer colleges. 

Rival Instagram houses at St John’s

In an attempt to achieve BNOC-dom during Covid times, two houses of St John’s students have set up rival Instagram accounts to document their isolation and compete for “household supremacy”. It almost makes me wish that another household at my college was isolating, purely for the opportunity to flex my household’s superior meme skills. 

Corruption on the Cambridge Freshers’ Instagram page?

The Cambridge Freshers’ Instragram account has gone through another rite of passage for Cambridge students, and has become victim of a Grudgebridge. Having moved on from wholesome introductory posts for freshers, the 2020 Freshers has moved on to organising socially-distanced club nights. However, controversy has arisen after accusations that the Instagram page has been upcharging tables by £10, which the page has furiously denied.

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Justice for the freshers’ Instagram page!

I cannot confirm for sure if freshers are being ripped off but I sure live for the gossip. 

Happy Halloween for Saturday and see you in November!

Churchill College and the MML faculty have been contacted for comment.

Featured image credit: Ella Fogg