We asked normal people to translate Cambridge slang through guesswork

BREAKING: Cambridge slang confirmed to be entirely nonsensical through serious #marketresearch

Another week, another shocking and hard-hitting exposé from The Tab, in which we can exclusively reveal that Cambridge slang is indeed totally fucking ridiculous.

We undertook the hugely daunting move of crowdsourcing outside of The Bubble, beyond the cushy saftey and assurance of CB2, to investigate whether there is, in fact, any discernible logic whatsover to the cryptic terminology Cantabs use on a daily basis.

The answer: obviously not. Why would any of us use it, after all, if it didn't give us some sick sense of insider affirmation, just by virtue of knowing what a 'plodge' is?

I'm afraid, dear Cantabs, that nobody more than five miles from King's Parade knew what a 'plodge' was. Nobody cared. Get off your high horses, and for god's sake stop saying 'vacation'.

Caesarian Sunday

'A rare day you don't go to the library' (Flo, at Newcastle).

'Taking the morning after pill' (Mared, at Cardiff).

'A hangover cured with a roast dinner' (Kim, at Queen's University Belfast).

'Honestly what?' (Billy, at Nottingham).

To be honest, Billy, we agree

Murking a Desmond

'Drinking a strong cocktail or alcoholic beverage' (Jazmine, at UWE).

'Insulting someone' (Zoe, at Liverpool).

'Taking a fit person home with you, like "aw where's John?" "He's murking a Desmond"' (Beth, at Aberdeen).

Supo

'Someone who eats soup' (Mared, at Cardiff).

'What's up?' (Jazmine, at UWE).

'Equivalent of a BNOC' (Flo, at Newcastle).

No warming soup here, sadly, just scalding verbal burns from your supervisor

Getting deaned

'Getting drunk' (Kim, at Queen's University Belfast).

'Getting ignored' (Billy, at Nottingham).

'Becoming a dean' (Sunniva, at Durham).

'Wtf is this?' (Zoe, at Liverpool).

Plodge

'Definitely a poop' (Beth, at Aberdeen).

'An ugly person' (Billy, at Nottingham).

'A policeman' (Maz, at Sheffield).

'Being fat?' (Zoe, at Liverpool).

'Definitely a poop'

Bedder

'A fuckboy?' (Sunnii, at KCL).

'Someone who gets a lot of people into their bed' (Sunniva, at Durham).

'Top shagger' (Jazmine, at UWE).

'Someone who misses their lectures' (Flo, at Newcastle).

'Someone who naps a lot' (Beth, at Aberdeen).

Pidge

'A term of endearment for a girl' (Billy, at Nottingham).

'A wee' (Sunnii, at KCL).

'Cambridge's posh name for a TV remote' (Flo, at Newcastle).

'An annoying person' (Beth, at Aberdeen).

The Van of Death

'The library' (Flo, at Newcastle).

'Drug dealer' (Zoe, at Liverpool).

'Getting kidnapped' (Mared, at Cardiff).

'A bus because Cambridge students don't do buses' (Sunnii, at KCL).

'An ambulance' (Maz, at Sheffield).

A portion of cheesy chips more tragic than any ambulance journey

Ab initio

'Innit?' (Jazmine, at UWE).

'Dabbing' (Kim, at Queen's University Belfast).

'Some Latin shit' (Beth, at Aberdeen).

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University of Cambridge Cambridge cambridge slang Cambridge University Cantab Oxbridge slang translated student life