The News Roundup Week 4: Pink Week, Pembroke Pies and Petty Squabbles

Almost halfway through the term, the salt finally begins to pile up.

Hide Images

Salty Summary:

It’s been battle of the journos this week in Cambridge, as The Tab and Varsity traded blows over the collective incompetence of student journalism. Varsity published a comment article which was harshly criticised for using anti-Semitic rhetoric. The day after they hit back at The Tab for their plagiarism of an article (whoops) – although unlike The Tab, Varsity never published an apology on their facebook page, preferring to use lower-profile platforms. They also referred to us as a ‘lifestyle blog’, which I suppose is why they keep nicking our ideas *cough* news column *cough* agony aunt.

Varsity aside, there has been an alarming bout of antisemitism across Cambridge, as fliers spouting Nazi propaganda and holocaust denial were found scattered across Sidgewick site. Only a few days later, maps on Jesus Green were found with Swastika graffiti on them. This prompted the Vice-Chancellor to release a statement condemning the anti-semitic incidents. Anti-semitism seems to be back on the rise, so keep your eyes out for any Alt-Right Nazis lurking in the shadows.

The Pink Week Ball was unfortunately closed down early because, much to everyone’s surprise, students got too drunk. Apparently, the most severe damage was a £400 chandelier, so it seems fairly reasonable that the event closed early, even if it did leave partygoers a bit pissed off. The Committee had promised that this year’s Pink Week Ball was going to be even “BIGGER and BETTER” than last years, and I suppose in a way it was.

Trinity staff in nude nativity:

A pair of serving staff at Trinity took an exceptionally festive naked photo in their old hall over the holidays which found its way around social media. Unfortunately, we hear that the staff involved has been fired when they clearly deserved a promotion for spreading Christmas cheer.

They would have got bonus points for keeping the hats up without using their hands.

Pembroke Pie-fectionism:

Some pastry fans at Pembroke managed to successfully lobby the College for money to buy a pie-making machine, allowing for the first successful meeting of the Pembroke Pie Society.

The pie machine (which is more of a modified toastie maker) can apparently be used to make both sweet and savoury pies, much to the delight of the student body. With the college also having the only darts society, all they need now is a deep fat fryer and they could turn Pembroke into a haven for homesick Northerners.

Free pie should be a mandatory welfare policy in all colleges

Facebook event mocks ArcSoc:

The Architecture Society hosts numerous events in Cambridge that indulge in //EdGy \@esthetic** themes and facilitate copious drug usage by partygoers. It seems that ArcSoc has a potential rival in ARSExSOCK, which is holding a party (location tbc) themed around dryness. Whether this is a dig at the fact that edgy ArcSoc-goers are all actually moist as fuck is up to your personal interpretation.

/\ E-D-G-E \/

That’s all for this week’s news, we hope you have a suitably A¬esthet*c week and hope you join us for more salty journalism, nudity and baked goods (preferably all at once).