Clubbers of the Week: Freshers’ Spectacular

No one is safe

Alcohol Cindies clubbers clubbers of the week Fez Freshers Life Matriculation of The week

The glitzy, glamorous ode-to-poor-decision-making that is Clubbers of the Week is back with a vengeance, Cambridge.

Yet again, The Tab Cambridge has trawled through the depths of Facebook in a desperate bid to find your drunken mishaps, poor outfit choices and well, anything which might be vaguely amusing to help you crawl out of that existential-whirlpool your latest essay crisis has landed you in.

In celebration of freshers week, this time the baby fresh-from-matric-photo Cantabs have been our target. So, let’s take a sprawling look through what they’ve been up to.

Squads of the Week

A fitting start, celebrating those budding friendships which began, well, between the time predrinks started at 9pm and these photos were taken at 2am. Our winners managed to convince us that their squads were in it for the long haul:

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Animal-paint game strong

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Magdalene stash is a win #magdalenetillwedie

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We’ve been friends for one day

Best-dressed of the Week

Themed clubbing nights are a fresher’s nightmare. Do you under-do your outfit choice, and potentially remain the obscure, top-floor dwelling hermit, destined only to become friends with Jane from across the way who made her milk-rota system incisively clear within five minutes of meeting you?

Of course you don’t. You throw on every strange garment you have, down a few shots and head to Cindies.

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We salute you

Runner-up:

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Cheeky Mr Potato Head right there

First-time-drinker of the Week

We all know the type. Maybe they’ve been a bit quiet throughout six-form, and have arrived to Cam eager to make a splash. However, with their rather limited experience of drinking, let’s just hope that splash their making isn’t a drunken dive into the River Cam to woo their new found friends.

Here are the photos that give a whole new meaning to Wavey.

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Do you want me to take another one?

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This was so close to being co-ordinated. Looking at a camera is hard.

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Aww lol

VK Endorsers of the Week

We have developed a new theory, that the ingenious chemists at VK have indeed created a formula designed to illuminate its namesake drink on any dance floor.

This category is in celebration of all of the Cantabs drinking the sugary hyper-potion this week. Obvs Tropical is the best flavour:

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There are worse companies to be on campus reps for, tbh

Runners up:

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Let’s hope her night is a lot less blue than her tongue will be

VKs have become the ubiquitous drink-of-choice for Cambridge clubbers, it seems. Rest in peace, Jägerbombs:

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Clubbers of the VeeK (I’m sorry for that one)

Where’s Wally Impersonator of the Week

It’s only really the glasses, to be honest. But, if you are out there, dear Cantab, and you are reading this, then please do go clubbing as the beloved cartoon character in time for next week’s edition. We implore you:

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The “we will not fall victim to Clubbers of the Week” Clubbers of the Week

Screw the Clubbers of the Week hegemony! You want something to put in The Tab, then have this!

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Tab-Hacks of the Week

Because, no self-indulgent Tab article would be complete without referencing members of our own Squad. Jonah and Josh here, took to Sunday Life to witness Cambridge debauchery at its finest.

You can catch “Shoulda, woulda, Kuda” videos on our Facebook page weekly.

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Very meta, much Tabception

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Me? You want to film me?

 

It’s a NO from Us

Eager readers will know that it’s very rare when The Tab is speechless, but it only takes a rather awkward embrace:

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He’s just not that into you

An unexpected fresh face did improve the situation.

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Freshers of the Week

Disclaimer: we didn’t really invest too much energy in checking the matriculation dates of the following Cantabs. Does that matter? Are journalistic standards important?

Our winners begin with this rather compromised close-up:

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Our sources have informed us there may have been some sort of Shrek swap. We just hope she finds her Happy Ever After.

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Lush life

The land of the free (entry):

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Who says you need to be loud and showy to compete in Clubbers of the Week? This (maybe) fresher proves otherwise, showing a simple gesture is all you need to win the crown:

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And finally, our ultimate Fresher Clubber of the Week goes to this lost-boy, who may not have had the best of starts to their night:

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… but who quickly chirped up upon finding his squad.

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Well done to all of our Winners, and stay peeled for the return of Clubbers of the Week soon.