Why you should send a CAMBRIDGE RAG CANDYGRAM this Xmas

Ever eager to diversify its services from simple altruism, Cambridge RAG is proud this Christmas to announce the return of its efficient, hyperactivity-inducing postal service, through which you can send a candy cane with a personalised message directly to someone’s pigeon hole.

It’s all for charity, and you can join up here. If you’re still not convinced, we’ve included a helpful list of persuasive reasons to persuade you:

Friend’s healthy-eating plan going better than yours.

If you can’t be thin, make your friends fat. Extra blubber will help them survive the cold winter months anyway.

Academic will help you burn those calories off

Send one from ‘a secret admirer’ to the friend in a committed relationship.

Serves them right for holding hands in an enclosed public space. Plus, you’re a vindictive grinch who just wants to watch the world burn.

No one loves you

Send one (or seven) to yourself. Attach inspirational messages to get you through those long, lonely winter months.

This is a metaphor

You met the love of your life on a swap but they just don’t know it yet.

Preferably send ten, each one with a heartfelt message . Perhaps a haiku about their dreamy eyes, or the names of your future kids together. You can ghost my calls but you have to check your pidge sooner or later…

You need to sweeten up your supervisior because you spent all term reading generic imitation-Buzzfeed listicles on the Tab instead of working.

Because it’s not what you know, but who you send Candygrams to.

You can’t hide forever

Send one to your college mum

She’s still not over that time you slept with your college father and you really don’t need more mummy issues.

You need to prove you’re a good person

Desperately need to reassure yourself you’re not a heartless twat before the inevitable moments of drunken self-reflection on New Year’s Eve? Send one to that well-meaning if not slightly boring person you met in fresher’s week, of course you *lost* their number.

Also, you’re doing something for RAG. Obvs you’re a good person

Porters and Bedders

It’s not corrupt to get on the right side of the establishment with a little bit of sugar. Besides, they see things that no one should ever have to see.

Your gypmates

Those few millilitres of milk a day may not seem like much, but their combined weight will add up over the weeks and become heavier and heavier upon your conscience. Clear that guilt. Alternatively, send a confessional Candygram courtesy of your other flatmate.

They know

You can also just send one to someone because you want to show that you care… but where’s the fun in that?

Buy your Candygram now, before it’s too late! Sales close Wednesday, get them here.