Facebook stickers are the death of comedy

It’s Week 5 and everything is terrible and we are terrible.

Comedy death Facebook Facebook stickers Luke Heppenstall-West pusheen

Hello. You have just clicked on an article titled “Facebook Stickers are the Death of Comedy”. Let us, for a second, unpick that.

Demographically speaking, it’s likely you go to a University, and it’s likely that University is Cambridge.

Whatever and whoever you are, you are a human being capable of independent thought and, having clicked the link to this article, are clearly technically competent enough to take advantage of the internet. 

The internet has revolutionised the dissemination of information. You could be reading up on the ongoing conflict in the Ukraine, or discovering Myanmar held its first openly contested election this week, or starting a crowdsourcing campaign for an endangered species of octopus.

Instead, you have clicked on a link titled “Facebook stickers are the death of comedy”.

This is a pictorial representation of The Internet

Somewhere, somebody is falling in love. Someone is giving birth. Someone else is windsurfing off the Bahamas, or reaching the point orgasm, or writing a poem.

You are probably sitting inside, probably alone. You are probably supposed to be doing work.  You could finish said work quickly and doing something you actually enjoy.

Instead, you have clicked on an article titled “Facebook stickers are the death of comedy”.

This is a pictorial representation of you.

The entertainment industry has never been stronger.

Gone are the days when you had to take your moped through the devastated landscape of Thatcher’s Britain to “Wacky Bill’s” video emporium to root out a copy of Space 1999 while doggedly ignoring the back room, or wait for your friend to buy the latest Duran Duran hit and record it onto a cassette over the top of your dad’s audioguide to surviving the nuclear winter.

You don’t even need to go to a library to get books any more. The world of art and entertainment is at your fingertips.

Yet you have clicked an article titled “Facebook stickers are the death of comedy”.

This is a pictorial representation of Thatcher’s Britain

Why do you even care what I think about Facebook stickers?

You may have, like me, decided they are also the death of comedy (they are) and hastily clicked this link in agreement – but then, you already know what you think. Why do you need me to tell you? 

God did not appoint me any sort of authority. I know no more than you do. My opinions are pointless and cruel, just another angry voice to add to the millions already there.

Perhaps it is a deeper symptom of the human condition, a insecurity that forces us to seek someone ‘like us’ to validate our assumption we are normal, and not alone. If that is the case, hello friend. I am sorry. I hope you find happiness somewhere. Not, of course, in Facebook stickers. Or in this article. Go outside and play in the sun before you get rickets or something.

This could be you. Look at how much fun they’re having

Perhaps you clicked on the article in indignant rage. Perhaps you used Facebook stickers a lot and happen to think they are incredibly funny (they aren’t). Perhaps you are a friend of mine and feel personally betrayed. To you, I also apologise. Remember that one day we will all be dead and none of this will matter.

I mean I think Facebook stickers are the death of comedy. I think they are a corporate way of manipulating our conversations, with sneaky bits of advertising thrown in. I think they’re vapid, unimaginative and unnecessarily trite. But I also don’t really care, and neither do you, and am not going to write an article about them.

People like to complain The Tab is rubbish. Sure. But I’m not the one who’s read this far.