TABMAS: Freshers wake up to pidges chock a block full of tabloid goodness

There’s nothing like sheets of dead tree. Online is dead.

Lol jk.

But seriously we’re very excited about our print edition. For the first time in two years, The Tab has returned to print. Solely to impress our beloved readers, for whom we exist to serve and to serve alone.

If you’re a fresher, and your college is not fascist (i.e. it will let us pidge you), you’ve probably already received a copy in your pigeonhole. We’ve been distributing copies over the past few days.

If you’re not a fresher, grab a copy from the pile in your mailroom (or bar, or JCR).

Try not to think about what we got up to while pidging you.

Can’t find a copy? This week, we’ll be handing out copies on Sidgwick. You’ll know because there’ll be a mob of us in the iconic Red and White Tab T-Shirts.

Get your hands on a copy to find out:

• The results of the Tab’s 2015 Freshers’ Survey – and the horrific revelations of drug use
• The inside goss on CUSU’s finances screw-up
• Advice on negotiating Cambridge’s clubbing scene
• FRESHER BINGO
• Interviews by big names like Peter Hitchens and Katie Hopkins
• Angry rants about the student left, trigger warnings, graduate recruitment and #freezepeach
• Why you should have gone to Bristol
• Our fashion shoot (Warning: may contain nudity)
• More. Obviously.

Bondage.

Professional opinions about the print edition have been mixed:

Editor of TCS: “There’s nothing more depressing than badly made print newspapers.”

Leszek Borysiewicz, Vice-Chancellor of the University of Cambridge: “7/10, might bang.”

Priscilla Mensah, CUSU President: “You can’t keep making up quotes by me.”

Some call it The Mermaid. Some call it the Sleeping Bag.

Freshers, on the other hand, have been wildly excited to receive their copies. Some say it’s the “cherry to top off a shit Freshers’ Week”. Others say it’s “like Christmas, except so much better and I don’t have to put up with Uncle Jim being casually sexist.”

Trinity students in particular are delighted with our Page Three Babe, who was the result of a long and hard process of selection.

Freshers should also keep an eye out for us at Cindies on Tuesday, where we’ll be hosting the Tab Lash. Check out the Facebook event for more details. Anyone is welcome to join – especially our freshers’ pub crawl beforehand.

If you’re interested in writing for us join our writers’ group or email [email protected] with your ideas or a request for commissions.