Why you need to see the Varsity Goat Race
Goat > Boat
On Saturday 11th April thousands of people will flock around the Thames to see the 161st Oxford v Cambridge Boat Race, with millions more around the world watching it on TV.
However, on the same day an even greater (albeit less publicized) sporting event will take place.
The 6th Oxford v Cambridge Goat Race is expected to (probably) attract millions of spectators to Spitalfields City Farm in East London. Here are ten reasons one of them should be you:
1) Cambridge will actually win this.
We’ve lost the rugby, football, and will most likely lose the rowing. If you’re tired of seeing the Dark Blues dominate cheer on our furry champion.
2) You can pet the winner of the Goat Race.
You can’t do that with the rowers. That’s harassment.
3) Major companies are starting to take note of the race.
The race is already being sponsored by Goat-orade and Jean-Paul Goat-ier, and organisers are in the process of negotiating a deal with Goat-man Sachs.
4) You can milk goats and make cheese with it.
You definitely can’t do that with rowers. It’d be disgusting. I mean think about it. Now stop thinking about it. Why are you still thinking about it? You’re disgusting…
5) No racing goats have ever been involved in drug scandals.
While there are some rumours of Oxford’s goats taking performance enhancing hay at a barn party, it is believed these libellous statements are being circulated by the Lamb High Jumping League.
6) Goats have an awesome style of facial hair named after them.
What have rowers ever given to the world of fashion. I mean yeah they invented blazers, but like who in Oxford or Cambridge ever wears them?
7) Goats look awesome in sunglasses.
Rowers just look stupid.
8) Dead heats in the Goat Race are more interesting.
Whereas the Boat Race involves looking over camera shots again and again to see who crossed the line first, the Goat Race is more simply decided by which competitor can eat a carrot the quickest.
9) The Goat Race doesn’t involve making up subjects for foreign athletes to be able to compete in the race.
All the goats are British and won their places at Oxbridge out of intellectual excellence, not just sporting prowess.
10) The Goat Race will raise £10,000 for charity.
The Boat Race will just raise Oxford’s ego.
With so many good reasons ‘doe’ you need any more excuses to come? (a doe is a female goat. It’s hard to think of goat puns.)