Which subject is sexiest?
Valentine’s Day. Students. Sex. Cliche.
For those of you who are somehow still blissfully unaware, the weekend is here, and this brings with it Valentine’s Day.
At this stage, you’re probably either preparing to dress-to-impress for your hot date on Saturday, or looking forward to a solo night in, wondering why you are so lonely and unloved while eating your body weight in Ben & Jerry’s. However, you could still bag yourself a sexy student this Valentine’s Day.
You may think your choice of good-looking catches in Cambridge is pretty limited, and you’re probably right, so it will help to have some criteria with which to help you find someone suitable. Common convention would suggest filtering the dateable population based on compatible interests, beliefs and hobbies. This sounds rather too long term, and I’m not sure if that kind of commitment is necessary for Valentine’s Day, so I advocate narrowing down your date options based on the sexiest subject in Cambridge. Don’t get too excited though. This is Cambridge, after all.
It will probably be easiest to assess arts subjects versus sciences (someone did mention including humanities such as geography, but I didn’t even realise that Cambridge offered a course in colouring).
English is a popular course. On average, the department accepts 199 undergraduates each year. A date with an English student could go one of two ways. On one hand, these students are notorious thespians. It seems a prerequisite that they act in at least one thought-provoking play. While being a talented actor will often come with a healthy dose of egotism, some will find a multitalented date irresistibly sexy. If this applies to you I suggest you head over to the English faculty or, alternatively, hang out in the ADC.
On the other hand, English could be a risky choice. You may find yourself on a date with a Dracula loving, vampire-like individual who spends hours talking about ironic foreshadowing in Gothic literature. Oh, and your date will probably be scheduled at midnight in the Vaults; dark and cold places are where these students feel at home.
MML may be a safer option. You are guaranteed a date with a sophisticated student, dressed impeccably, at a continental restaurant. Being seduced in Italian or Spanish over a glass of wine in Pizza Express is unquestionably sexy. Word of warning – watch out for the French students. You never know what those ones are thinking.
If you find whimsical and quirky personalities to be sexy, then I suggest attending a few Art History lectures. Not only are these students fashionable, arty and loveable, but they’ll also be able to teach you how to make a feathered quill.
What more could you wish for from a Valentine’s date? There’s potential for Art Historians to take their earthy personalities too far. It is not socially acceptable to go a week without showering. However, the Art History department did release Eddie Redmayne into the world, so we can’t really doubt their sexiness with much conviction.
Moving on to the science degrees, we come to Maths. Mathmos are an odd bunch, rarely to be seen on a day-to-day basis. If you’re lucky enough to spot one, they will often be huddled over a calculator or formula sheet in a group of their fellow Mathmos. While their raw intelligence may be considered sexy (albeit in the loosest sense of the word), you’re unlikely to be in with a chance of a date unless you’re capable of solving Fermat’s Last Theorem. I tried to find a Mathmo to photograph for this article but, alas, was unable to discover one, so here’s a closely representative picture for your benefit instead:
There are enough NatScis around that you’re sure to be able to find a sexy one amongst the masses.
Medics are even sexier though. They can save lives and shit.
So, take your pick. The sexy students of Cambridge are ready and waiting.