Cambridge’s Most Eligible Couple

Zac Baynham-Herd

This young gentleman was the face of and undisputed winner of our ‘Cambridge’s Most Eligible Bachelor‘ competition. Although he is now technically a graduate, Zachary is a third year Zoology student from Queens.

What were your preconceptions?

Having stalked Rosie’s Facebook meticulously I was under the impression that she enjoys denim, fancy dress costumes centred around extravagant eye make-up, and drinking on or near the sea. Her passion for drama seems to have peaked in 2009, but occasionally she has dabbled in the Thesp scene here. The lack of an obvious boyfriend for at least a year and a half was encouraging, and confirmed her eligibility/desperation. No evidence of an interest in sport or varsity matches unfortunately, but given that she’s been to Thailand and possibly China we do appear to share a similar preference in travel destinations.

Given these findings I decided to deploy slightly edgy ‘Fountain Fridays’ ZBH – shaving the sides of my hair and wearing an oversized denim shirt. I also made sure to log on to ‘The Soundclouds’ to find some new DJs to mention.

What were your first impressions?

Roise arrived on a bike which didn’t have any lights, naturally I assumed this meant that she wasn’t intending to cycle home.

What did you talk about?

I started by naming as many people as I could from Homerton in an attempt to prove my social status, before playing ignorant about anyone that she knew from Queens who supposedly knew me. Of course I also pretended to be oblivious when she mentioned previous times that we had met.

Catering to my preconceptions of her interests, I declared my fondness for Fever at Fez, whilst also explaining how Cindies can be fun if partaken in ironically.

At one point she mentioned betraying her vegetarianism by succumbing to a bacon butty at a Pitt Club party. In response I immediately took the opportunity to exaggerate my public schoolian education, as well as my participation in ‘no meat Mondays’.

To make sure that she was fully aware of my credentials, I described how difficult it is to balance Drinking Society Presidency and playing Blues whilst pursuing academic aspirations. When asked about my future plans, rather than admit to failing an interview at Morgan Stanley, I expressed my despair with our consumerist and greed driven society, and referred her to my environmental blog.

Rosie had 200 more votes than you, did you feel like you were punching above your weight?

After receiving a relatively much higher proportion of the vote, surviving Tripos and being recognised as the Bachelor guy in Spoons on Friday night, going into the date my ego was at an all time high. Furthermore, with the benefit of the year above effect also on my side, and on home turf, I wasn’t fazed by the opposition.

Did you agree with the voters or did you have your eye on someone else?

I have never really been one to get too hung up on chasing specific girls, so naturally I didn’t even realise there was a ‘Bacherlorette’ competition occurring. I certainly did not dangerously compromise revision for my finals by constantly moving between departmental computer rooms casting as many votes as possible.

How was the food?

The food was very nice indeed, although the traditional pub menu limited the opportunity to appear cultured whilst ordering. In compensation I had to rely upon using pre-prepared phrases such as ‘A Von Guard’ later in the conversation.

Was your first impression correct?

Although initially bemused with her preference for a poorly lit and precarious cycle home, I quickly reasoned that her parents might be visiting in the morning, or that she had forgotten to pack a toothbrush.

Will you see each other again?

After announcing my May week destinations, I’m sure to see Rosie piping up on the May Ball Marketplace soon.

Marks out of 10?

I never have bad dates, and with free food and high levels of eligibility all round, a strong 8/10 for sure.

Rosie Cross

Miss Cross is an English rose with a dark secret.. The Tab can reveal that Rosie likes to eat big hairy kiwis skin and all. She pleased the masses with her long legs and risqué posing.

What were your preconceptions?

Seeing as Zac is a Zoology student I expected that he be able to tend to my pussy. I had set my sights on being his blu-tac. Dating a Blues footballer is every undergrad’s dream. I suspected that I would be punching loads.

What were your first impressions?

My first impression was that he was punching loads. But then I saw his 1st team footballer six pack bulging through his chic denim shirt and thought I’d give him a chance.

What did you talk about?

We mostly just spoke about ourselves and how eligible we are. He told me about his hair-care regime and what it’s like to be a blues footballer. I’m looking for a baller so I listened avidly.

Have you ever met someone online before?

I’m a keen tinderer but haven’t had the privilege of meeting any of my sweethearts yet. ‘Dwayne’ has an endearing profile of a banana emoji half concealing a dick pic, but it wasn’t to be. Essentially I’ve been saving myself for Zac aka The One.

Did you agree with the voters or did you have your eye on someone else?

Well I’m not really one to talk as rianna has actually won the girls’ vote now… Felix flaunting his pinkie finger in his pic was quite a tease I suppose.

How would you have met if not through The Tab?

Our eyes would lock across cindies d-floor. We would shimmy towards each other to the sweet tones of the lion king and sweatily boogie the night away. True love.

How was the food?

Not as dishy as zac. I couldn’t concentrate on the food, I was too busy drooling over him.

Was your first impression correct?

Well, he showed me his pubes and revealed his middle name is Derek, so I think I bagged quite a catch.

Marks out of 10?

Just a few scratch marks on the back. He scored a high 2:1 but he’s yet to star my first.

Will you see each other again?

I’ve texted and tindered him and poked him on Facebook and he hasn’t replied as yet, but true love never runs smooth. I’m keeping the hope. Zac if you’re reading this,  you got ma digits. Xoxo

Photographs by Bea Cadwallader

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Thank you to The Mill Pub for Zac and Rosie’s romantic rendezvous.