An Illustrated Guide to Cambridge Chat-Up Lines
TIM SQUIRRELL depicts where you’ve been going wrong all those years.
Spotted an attractive fellow from afar but can’t hold conversation outside your subject? Struggle with pleasantries and a huge feeling of insecurity? Feel that David Hume could nail a one liner better than you? Stop fretting and start sweating: here’s our helpful guide to chat-up lines for some guaranteed academic lovin’.
One for the philosophers out there
Some biological loving
Make a Mathmo melt
One for the thesps
Physical in the best way
Jokes about the war guarantee conversation
And if you like vulgar illustrations
Don’t forget, code is the next best thing after sex
This helpful guide is the Tina Fey of pick up lines: intelligent, sexy, and a hit with teenage girls everywhere. Print it out, memorise it and post it to your ex to show how you’ve matured since the split. The 14th looks to be fruitful indeed.
The Philosophy fellow has faced backlash for a controversial blog post where he advocated for a “hereditarian revolution”
Unfortunately beaten by Oxford… again!
Nathan Cofnas has been under fire for his recent blog post where he advocated for ‘the preservation of racial distinctions’
Cambridge students, we’re sorry if this hurts your feelings
Some much-needed new perspective on Cambridge life
Let’s just keep romanticising the pretty buildings
No rest for the wicked – or the chronically single
Because Cambridge students won’t be going on dates, don’t be silly x
Your date will thank me x
Get ready for an insufferable amount of pancake puns x
Platonic love is JUST as important
We’re here again doing the work of the people
What even happened to Margaret, Hilary and Mercy?
Training for my Paul Mescal marathon even harder rn
Does literally anyone know what’s going on?
The unlikely career path from Love Islander to film critic
He can deffo talk to the animals tho
A police officer has now handed himself in and been charged with murder
Because sometimes it’s just nice to feel something x
Resitting my maths GCSE as we speak
The girl in question thought her boyfriend had been on a business trip but he was actually in the pods
Selena Gomez might have been right x
And their theory is seriously convincing
They both have nicknames for each other
Anne Hathaway, Meryl Streep, and Emily Blunt together again!!
It’s why Google Images was invented, you know x
Bieber Super Bowl half time show WHEN
A Tab survey found 90 per cent of students at one uni admitted to doing drugs