Trinity May Ball 2013

An incredible but not life-changing night, say WILL PITHERS and JOHN BARDSLEY.

basshunter brass funkeys example green chocolate trinity may ball

Trinity May Ball

Monday, 17th June, £150

May Ball reviews are often hard to pin down; they’re nearly always too short and rely too heavily on the reviewer’s mood at the time (note: delirious with fatigue even before 9pm). We originally planned to sack off the writing part of this review and instead map out the evening with a series of selfies. That plan went to shit pretty quickly, but we still enjoyed what was nearly a perfect evening – minor gripes aside.

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Everyone knows that Trinity is as prestigious as it gets. We did, however, do our utmost to maintain an underwhelmed exterior for the first couple of hours of the ball. The first challenge was to pretend that we enjoyed eating oysters and that it came naturally to both of us. Pithers succeeded at neither, spilling the gloopy contents on his lap, providing his George by ASDA dinner trousers with a much-needed jizz stain.

The sheer variety of food on offer throughout the evening was impressive, though. Tapas headlined, but was wonderfully supported by hog roast and paella and doughnuts and popcorn and pancakes and candyfloss and chocolate fountains of absurd colours (green). Our stomachs back on more familiar territory, we put our skills to the test on the dodgems. This was where funfair regulars got one over on the posh boys. A carousel completed the fairground scene, although colossal queues for these rides rendered them practically obsolete as the night went on.

Green chocolate what?

Green chocolate what?

When the fireworks came, we were like kids at Christmas. Although no superlative will ever really do them justice, they were nothing short of mind-blowing. If you haven’t witnessed them before and can’t get a ticket to the ball, get yourself in a punt next year and enjoy the most spectacular light and sound show you are ever likely to see.

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Likewise, Example’s set was incredibly impressive. Not only was it full of energy, as you might expect, but the Fulham-born man was also suitably charming, wishing the crowd “fucking good luck for the rest of your lives.” What a great bloke. The crowd, on the other hand, was brutal. There were moans from some around me that Nevile’s Court could have housed a tent double the size – as it was, the ‘lucky’ few at the front of the crowd enjoyed elbows to the face, ribs and testicles. Hardened party animals fought for the prize of craziest raver, and one girl who insisted on pulling men away from the front by their balls staked the best claim.

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Basshunter was undoubtedly testament to the old adage of ‘anything is fun when you’re wasted’, and the Swedish trash-house extraordinaire embodied this message himself, later making an appearance in the dance tent with several bottles of god-knows-what before being promptly escorted from the premises.

The range of student talent on show was also there for all to see. The Brass Funkeys were the pick of the bunch in the Jazz Tent, which remained packed throughout the night. Elsewhere, the ever-reliable Footlights filled the Cabaret Tent, whilst the Impronauts provided something a little different later on. The ents were solid, without being outstanding, although it might be argued that this was all the evening required.

As seasoned ball-goers, Trinity didn’t really surprise us. The champagne was flowing, the fireworks were orgasmic and everyone knew they’d done well to secure a ticket to the hottest show in town. Even the fella with a glass through his foot.

Food and Drink:

4/5

Wow Factor:

4/5

Value for money:

4/5

Star attraction: Fireworks

Biggest Turn-Off: Copious queueing

Survivors' selfie

Survivors’ selfie