Booze, Abuse and Playing Blues
Will Smith wants you to love him…or at least love Cambridge.
“I’m Will Smith.”
This is all I usually have to tell a beautiful woman in order to get her to fall in love with me. Sometimes, I have to say a little more, like: “Yes, the Will Smith.”
As one of the biggest names on campus, Jack Wills Seasonnaire, Blues rugby player, scholar, and all round great bloke, I’ve been quite surprised that there have been a few negative comments on some of my articles. At first I assumed that it was mere jealousy – a few dissenters to the cult of awesome that follows me. However, upon giving it serious reflection, I’ve realised that it might be that people simply don’t know enough about me. A nameless defender on my last article put it this way:
“[Will is] actually a really nice guy, with lots of emotion and sensitivity under those muscles. He like [sic] poetry! Get to know him, and you’ll like him too.”
Admittedly, my Herculean form might be intimidating to some, but I also have a delicate, sensitive soul.
Playing blues rugby has its perks; not least of all the quantity of adoring fans (I now have over 40 followers on Twitter – @willsmith_11) that accompany the sport’s prestige. However, it also has its drawbacks. In my first article, I discussed the unjust prejudices with which most rugby players are lumbered, and yet, somehow, my words appear not to have had an impact with regard to my own person.
It seems that I have sacrificed my own good name for the sake of the other members of the team, suffered judgement, so that they might escape it. Hoisted up onto The Tab I was attacked by legions of internet warriors, their words piercing my side, causing the sweet nectar of my rhetoric to pour out, absolving all rugby players of their sins.
If you noticed the subtle reference to Jesus Christ there, good, because it was him that I was comparing myself to.
The difficulty of writing this blog has been treading the line between rugby references and what the general university population will understand. As a man of the people, I’ve attempted to tread this line as best I can, but have occasionally slipped off and left the laymen behind in a whirlwind of context-requiring witticisms. Sadly, too many of my readers, all of whom I cherish and respect, have missed the underlying message of my articles – a message urging us to look beyond our differences and come together as one. As the Dalai Lama said to the pizza shop owner, “Make me one with everything”. So too, have I, attempted to take the swirling, saucy base of Cambridge and build a magnificent pizza with it.
The insights I’ve attempted to give into the rugby team in the build-up to the Varsity Match (Dec. 6th) have been genuine; it does require dedication, exceptional levels of hard work and commitment, and a degree of sacrifice. It means a huge amount, to every member of the squad, to earn the opportunity to take on the other place at Twickenham and hopefully beat them. Regardless of what you think about me, let us unite under the glorious banner of this fine institution, and support all who will be competing in their respective Varsity Matches this year, because, trust me, everyone at Oxford is even worse than I am.