Booze, Abuse and Playing Blues

Will Smith returns in his second piece, to fill us in on the mythical Blue-Tack

The weeks are starting to rush by now. Every day that we draw closer to the Varsity Match in December, the more palpable the tension in the squad becomes. A weight of loss hangs over the team and drives players to compete for selection, to get that extra yard in training, to push out one more rep in the gym, and ultimately to put in the best possible performances on the pitch. All in all, moral arbiters though they may be, players have to be able to turn on the competitive mind-set immediately, at any time, to stand a chance of playing in and winning the big game.

The necessity of a constant state of mental alertness, on top of the obvious physical demands of the sport, is exhausting. Thankfully, there is at least one group of people within the university who understand the challenges facing sports players – blue tack. Think your friend who lists their conquests by their sport.

Certainly, some of the rugby squad don’t like the use of the term ‘blue tack’. The player known affectionately as ‘Fresh’ within the squad doesn’t appreciate it at all. He feels it doesn’t accurately represent him, or his behaviour in consistently pursuing female lacrosse players.

Fresh in his natural habitat

Included within the rugby team are some of the most sparkling conversationalists I know. To label certain girls as blue tack is as degrading to rugby players as it is to the girls: it assumes that the girls weren’t interested by the well-mannered wit and charm so inherent to the rugby team’s ethos.

Indeed, one loveable third-year prop from Magdalene has been suffering, due to the negative stereotype attached to his female friends. In spite of the fact that, from a survey of over 3 women I bumped into on my way to Sainsbury’s this afternoon, over 1 of them said that they found him unfeasibly attractive, this particular player receives no end of presumptuous glares and scowls on nights out when he invariably ends up swamped by beautiful women.

What most people don’t know is that ever since he found out about the damaging blue tack stereotype, he almost never attempts to seduce anybody by mentioning his blue. Honestly, you can ask almost any of his mates…

Blue Tack. Assemble!

Perhaps there are girls out there who aspire to be blue tack, for whatever reason, but I can safely say that neither myself, nor anyone else in the team, have found any of them. One new ex-Durham second/back row addition to the team came, wide-eyed, looking for these reputed scores of eager young ladies, and in spite of looking desperately throughout Cindies and Life, has yet to find anyone. So, ladies, if you’re looking for a good time, he just asks that you leave your name and photo in the comments section below and he’ll get in touch.

Ultimately, to label any individual as blue tack is a callous attack on both that person and the company they keep. It is as baseless as those prejudices I addressed in my last article and should stop.

Instead, let’s focus all our prejudices on the nefarious Pitt-stick.