Fresher vs Food: The 1kg Challenge

WILL PITHERS eats lots of food in little time…

1kg bardsley bread caius challenge Chips couscous cucumber food Fresher Freshers fruit grapes Hungry John kilogram Lettuce noodles pithers pitta strawberry sweetcorn veg will

Recently, some idle end-of-term chitchat about waning student loans and consequent lack of food in the house led to the sort of bragging exchange that begins with “I’m so hungry I could eat…”

Lame, I know, but this isn’t exactly the MTV beach house.

It was out of this that the 1kg food challenge was born. The rules are simple: each contestant chooses one homogeneous food substance and competes against his fellow contestants in a race to see who can devour 1kg of their chosen food first. Below are the results, and our advice on which food to pick should you ever find yourself in a similar situation. Which of course you undoubtedly will.

Fruit & Veg

There were some quite magnificent displays from Mesdames Sweetcorn and Grapes who battled it out in an incredibly tense finale finishing in 12 mins 14 secs and 13 mins 13 secs respectively.

Meanwhile, Monsieur Strawberry gleefully proceeded to make a score of shockingly poor puns to his ailing neighbour, Mr Cucumber, who was turning green by this point. “Make sure you don’t puke-umber!” was unquestionably the worst. Nevertheless they both finished up (Strawberry at 16 mins 32 secs and Cucumber at 19 mins 52 secs), which is more than can be said for Lettuce Overall, who threw in the towel after just 350g.

You’re smiling now…

High carb

Not for the faint-hearted. Kudos to our chips man for managing to finish a kilogram of oven fries in 33 mins, 54 secs. No such success for those who attempted couscous, pitta bread or noodles – of which the latter is surprisingly sweat inducing.

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As for myself, dear readers, I stumbled across a box of cocktail sausages whilst cruising the aisles of Sainsbury’s and  realised that I would only need to consume 100 to reach 1kg; no problem! However, my initial excitement at the possibility of consuming 3000 calories in one sitting soon turned into a sort of pork fat-induced delirium. 54 minutes and 75½ sausages later, I was defeated.

Despite such epic scenes, Tab Music Editor and unfortunate spectator John Bardsley remains bemused: “You lot are disgusting; eat normal quantities of food, you gluttonous freaks. So primitive.”

Each to their own, I suppose.

WATCH the action live below: