Bonsai Bonanza: The Art of Feng Shui

How did you conquer week 5? No doubt Poppy Morris helped you on your way there, but what about the weeks that follow?

In my hideously limited experience as a fresher, it’s weeks 6-8 that sluggishly grind by as we inch closer to the end of term and relative freedom.

Determined not to be beaten, myself and a handful of Caius freshers have taken the plunge and invested in the only thing that can help us now: bonsai trees.

Whilst several websites waved away our claims that this miniature splash of green improves the oxygen content in our rooms (or some shit like that), I’m convinced that this is so.

Furthermore, I am convinced that the miniature porcelain Buddha who rests his weary legs at the foot of my tree has blessed my latest piece of supervision work with a pizzazz that Cambridge dons can only dream of achieving. Don’t question me.

And you thought the only thing that could get you through the final weeks of term was Red Bull…

In a drastically politically incorrect fashion, we have merged the Japanese art of bonsai with the Chinese practice of feng shui in an attempt to create the perfect combination of harmony and positive chi in our rooms.

Of course, this necessitates radical rearrangements of furniture. For example, a big window facing the main entrance to a room is said to bring about negative chi; one might thus see it as problematic that every room in the Stephen Hawking Building welcomes its visitor with a floor to ceiling window. If you have a similar issue, fear not, fellow Feng Shui adherent! A quick reshuffling of your bed in front of said window will ensure that all negative chi is deflected back into the corridor… Obviously.

Brightening up an otherwise very dark room

Who’d have thought a number of preposterously named pot plants – yes, we’ve named them – could be the answer to end of term struggles at Cambridge?

It’s utterly ridiculous, we know, but it feels like it just might have worked. The success of the bonsai at Caius has been overwhelming: Bertie, a Caius fresher, tells me “a Bonsai tree is like a baby; a lot of effort, and if you get bored of it then you can leave it outside and bury it in the garden.” The trend is evidently here to stay. At least for now…