Tom Rasmussen

“I column, therefore I am.” This week, TOM RASMUSSEN gets philosophical about the dating game.

courting Dating Flirting madness Men Nietzsche philosophy Tom Rasmussen

Listen to CamFM‘s radio interview with Tom Rasmussen:


Over coffee this week, a close friend of mine was telling me about a game she likes to play with her theology buddies (between reading The Bible and talking about The Bible, I assume). It involves grabbing a nice, chunky philosophy book; choosing a number; and opening said book at said page number. Upon weeding out the first interesting quote you can find, you must swiftly take it out of ‘context’ and apply it to your current circumstances.

Naturally, I decided to give it a go:

“A casual stroll through the lunatic asylum shows that faith does not prove anything.”

Perfect. Page 131 and Nietzsche read my mind. Now, I’m no philosopher, but I know a quote about men when I see one.

Recent experiences have taught me that this dating game is absolutely mental. And the fact that we Cambridge folk are definitely skewed toward the ‘looney-bin’ end of the normality scale doesn’t help things. Combine these factors with my (literally) crazy dating track record, and the fact that I can sometimes be a bit of a bunny boiler, and the result isn’t great. The obvious truth is that when it comes to men, I am clearly choosing the lunatics. After all, what else could it possibly be? Anyway, I was in desperate need of some guidance.

A quick consult with a philosopher later, and I had successfully de-contextualised Nietzsche: My past dating experiences are causing me to gravely misplace my faith. My faith in men, that is. All too often I place all of my faith in silly ideals, such as: “maybe tomorrow will be better,” or “if only he would text me first…” Since I am currently a singleton, this faith obviously garners no fruition.

Let’s take a quick look at my latest dating disaster. Meet Dr. Law – sporting head to toe Jack Wills and exceedingly charming conversational skills – he was quite the catch, and an excellent kisser. Hallelujah! Someone who would play by the rules and assured me he would not play games. My faith was temporarily restored.

But, after two weeks of perfect courting, and constant gushing about the miracle works of Dr. Law to my friends, my new beau began to play dirty. It all started on the Monday after our first night of passion. He did not text me. For a whole day. Alarm bells began to tinkle, before reaching a deafening screech, as Dr. Law’s texts had flat-lined by the end of the week. He was breaking all of the rules, and in a fit of text-deprived madness I took a hammer to them myself:

Sent: five consecutive texts.

Received: nil.

Result: tears. A lot of tears.

My faith was in tatters. And, somehow, I know that in exam term, happy hibernation is about as likely to happen as me cart-wheeling the entire London Marathon.

But, you know what? I’m fine with it. Given hindsight, and a short read of Neitzche, I have realised that in order to be successful in the dating game, you must have faith in yourself. And so that’s what this term is going to centre around: faith in me.

It is absurd to think that you need to be in a twosome to be enhanced or complete. In fact, since my ‘mind-make-over’ I’m feeling independent, self-confident, and have gained the ability to think about something other than men! Moreover, this outlook is affecting every area of my life: revision, diet, exercise, tidiness. Everything.

And, who knows? Maybe in my attempts to stay away from the white padded room, I’ll find someone whose straight-jacket is worth unbuckling.

So, my message is: don’t stop believing – just don’t rely on unrealistic ideals. Thank you, Nietzsche.