Guilty Crush

So, a few days ago I asked all of you to email in with your guilty crushes.

You know who I mean; it’s that person you know you really really shouldn’t. You might not even be entirely sure why you’re attracted to them. But you are. Massively. It can be embarrassing at times; you always thought you had better taste and even a bottle of Basics best isn’t going to make some of these unfortunates attractive to the mainstream population. But what you wouldn’t give for 45 minutes alone with them in that really quiet, secluded bit of the UL…

With that delicious thought in mind, here’s a few of the guys, girls and questionings who you revealed got you hot under the collar:

Johnny Vegas because he’d make me look skinny.

Vanessa Feltz because I need something to bench press.

My next door neighbour because when I hear him have sex with his girlfriend she sounds like she’s really enjoying it.

I don’t want to tell you.

The little boy from the old yellow pages advert who had to stand on a copy of the yellow pages to kiss a girl. The only time shortness has ever been acceptable in a man.

An escort. I’m into a few things that most people would find a bit gross, so I need to pay someone to punish me.

I just think Pamela Anderson has the most beautiful soul…

My college wife. Sadly, as with so many relationships, marriage has completely destroyed any chance of romance.

I can’t tell you who my guilty crush is because she’s really good friends with my girlfriend.

Patrick Stewart because he looks like my dad.

I really don’t want to tell you.

That fresher who sits next to the window in the library. He looks so young and innocent that I really want to corrupt him.

Tiger Woods. They can still be crushes if you’ve slept with them right?

The most beautiful Thai woman I have ever seen. Despite the fact she turned out to be the most beautiful Thai boy.

Anne Robinson; I’m a sado-machistic.

 I just think it’s better for everyone if I just keep it to myself.

Chris Moyles. I’m not even going to try and explain why.

Now that she’s on the market again, Dawn French. Best vicar ever- and have you seen her eat a Terry’s Chocolate Orange?

My college daughter.  Purely because it would be incest.

Ariane.  We’ve got a connection; and not just the electronic kind.

Hugh Grant. He should definitely call me; my rates have gone down in the recession.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I don’t want you to judge me. 

My boyfriend. My girlfriend really wouldn’t approve.

Nick Clegg. I do enjoy a man who is liberal.

Miley Cyrus. Guilty because I could definitely end up in jail for it.

I don’t have the self-restraint necessary to have a guilty crush. Embarrassing pulls however, I have by the bucketload.

Promise you won’t judge me?

Judy Finnagen. Ever since her boobs fell out at that awards ceremony I can’t stop thinking about them. Richard is a lucky bloke.

The Masterchef guy because someone getting that excited about desserts has to be a good sign. And he licks honey like a pro.

I just can’t get Kylie outta my head. I should be so lucky, lucky, lucky.

And you won’t tell anyone?

Paris Hilton; her performance in that sex tape was stunning and talent is a huge turn on for me.

Spongebob Squarepants. I don’t think I really need to explain why that’s a guilty one.

The night porter at my college. It’s getting a bit out of control now; I locked myself out ‘after a shower’ two days ago. By accident of course.

Dobby. The house elf.

OK! Ok, fine…

Where Is The Love? Fergie it’s right here. I Gotta Feeling so Shut Up about your ‘humps’ and Let’s Get It Started already.

The ginger one from Girls Aloud; I’m pretty sure it’s ok to fancy any one of them except her.

Sideshow Bob – you know what they say about men with big feet…