Swap Shockers

We asked readers to send in their most memorable and shocking swap experiences. See if you recognise anyone.

bad behaviour curry disgusting embarrasment Mahal Sex Swap Wine

Oh dear.  A few days ago I asked my dear readers to send in their stories of some of the most shocking things that have happened on swaps. I was not prepared for this. I expected a bit of vomit, hand job here and there, maybe a flash of boob. Wow, was I wrong.

Frankly, you should be ashamed of yourselves. You’re lucky this is all anonymous (except the one enterprising fellow who sent me simply the name of a specific female student. I would love to know what she’s been up to…). Anyway, enjoy. As the Mail loves to remind us on a bi-weekly basis, this lot are the future leaders of the country. Apparently.


The Sick

– Have you ever heard the story about the guy given a hand job at the Mahal table? And then that the lady in question vomited all over him? True story. Took him ages to get it out of his pubes.

– The girl opposite someone passed out in her plate of curry. Face first.

– Two lovely chaps from Caius decided to wank into a girl’s curry when she was in the bathroom having a heart-to-heart. Poor lass doesn’t notice anything wrong with her korma, eats it.

– We got a lot of, “my friend did X…” replies this week, but this brave fellow confessed her own sin:

“Erm, vomiting in the president of the other drinking society’s hand when they held it out to introduce themselves..”

– At one swap in the Mahal a girl threw up on the plate of the guy opposite her. The shape of the bowl, unfortunately, meant that the entirety of her stomach contents rebounded into the poor male’s face.

– It’s not just at the Mahal people misbehave; this unfortunate child couldn’t quite keep it down at formal and puked. Into her starter.


The Sexual

– Fairly average looking girl gets a lot more confident after some Pinot Grigio. So confident in fact, she decides to strip. Underwear and all. People still refer to her as, ‘the Brazilian Girl’. Make what you will from that.

– This inter-collegiate drinking swap got a little out of hand. First there was the game one of the girls choose to initiate which involved the ladies removing their tops. (For the purpose of this anecdote, visualise topless boys and girls in bras from this point onwards.) A few of the young ladies are vomiting now too. One of the more hardy ones however, is straddling a young man atop the table and simulating sex with him. Mid-dinner.

– A girl in the Mahal also decided it would be romantic to let herself be fingered. By both the men on either side of her.

– Pembroke has a fabulous formal hall. LBGT swap there turned eventful when one guy pulled the spectacularly ginger organiser of this occasion during dinner. Then disappeared for a blow job after dinner. Don’t worry, they came back for dessert. It was carrot cake. Guess that guy had at least two orange mouthfuls that night.

– This very horny fresher just couldn’t wait to get back to halls, so makes a stop off at The Bathhouse for a quickie in the toilets there straight after a swap. Both parties turned up to Cindies after. But according to my source, she was wearing a very sexy Santa outfit. Well. That makes it alright then.

– These particular rugby boys were ever so persuasive and convinced two girls to make out at the table. One of the boys not-so-discreetly jerked off to this spectacle.

– Pulling at the Mahal – rather run-of-the-mill, one might say. Less run of the mill is the occasion on which girl pulls guy on her left. Ten minutes later she pulls the guy on her right.

– Wine bottle is pennied. Brave/stupid girl downs it. Starts making out with the guys next to her. Voms in his mouth.


The Fucked Up

– ‘Mangina’ displays and races around tables in the Mahal before eventually being kicked out for standing on the chairs.

– Guy gets slapped by a girl at an athletics swap for making lewd comments. Turns around, absolutely lamps her. She gets knocked out, he gets a lifelong ban on participating.

– Girl kisses a boys bare backside in front of everyone at the table. Nope, this wasn’t a sex thing. Just beware where you ‘Kiss The Pig’ ok?

– This fresher was just really keen. In his haste to touch the walls he accidently smacked his face into one of them. And broke his nose.

– One swap was on one of the drinking society boy’s birthdays. He turned up trashed, and proceeded to get even more trashed at formal. He stands on a table in the bar; breaks the table, concusses himself. But that is not all. The dear boy then proceeds to get naked in front of porters, runs away from his friends and locks himself in a phonebox (still naked). Ends up getting taken home by a kindly tramp. All before midnight.

– One uber-keen group managed to break pretty much all the wine glasses on their table. To substitute, some boys were seen drinking wine from those silver bowls the curry came in. Korma-flavoured Soave. Lovely.

– Someone pennied the water jug and a very drunk guy drank it. You would think all that water would sober him up; unfortunately, it did not have that effect. It had a rather more unpleasant effect. He pissed himself.



Well there it is folks. A few of the nastiest little anecdotes I could find about all things wine related. This is just what people owned up to; frankly, I’d hate to see what you were keeping from me.