TV Review: The Season

The Season, iPlayer.

The guys at BBC Switch (err, come again?) have come up with a stroke of genius with ‘The Season’: Switching the Sun, Sea and Sex on a tropical island in shipwrecked to Sun Snow and Sex in Val-d'Isère makes for entertainment gold.

The characters are even the same. The only difference will be the state of their tans at the end: only one gang will resemble pandas (obviously pandas with peroxide tussled hair or a beanie duh).

Like Trinity, the show is so bad it is addictive from the word go.

Never before have I encountered a more cringe-worthy opening scene.

Picture this: Emily and Tommy used to go out. Tommy was Emily’s first love. Now they’re in Val-d'Isère (population: 1,753 and 2,000 metres up a mountain)…together. And it just so happens that they ‘need to have a chat’ about why they are not friends yet.

To top it off, we can be the fly on the wall.

The ten characters are gapers, ‘seasonnaires’ in fact, and are out to have a good time in the French Alps.

Hari knows herself already: She does not like playing games with boys. It’s just not who she is.

She’s seeing Tom, who in every scene seems to need to re-establish with the ‘lads’ that he is not ‘officially’ going out with Hari, and so it’s not a problem that his ex-girlfriend Polly is coming out to see him. And he’s probably still “going to proper cheese on her”.

When, in episode 2, Hari confronts Tom about not telling her Polly was jetting out, he says he didn’t think it was a big deal. ‘Well it is a big deal’, Hari retorts. Yes Tom, it IS a big deal.

Sam is a classic. He’s edgy – complete with red wayfairers and matching tennis head-band. His closet is evidently roomy since his fluorescent beanie is also twinned with a rather fetching t-shirt. nice.

In episode 2 we find that Sam’s broken his hand/wrist/forearm (I don’t know I wasn’t really concentrating), he decides he doesn’t want to not ski for the next three weeks. Solution: go visit your mate, who lives in a caravan surrounded by snow, and casually ask whether he’ll hacksaw the cast off so you can get straight back on the snowboard tomorrow. Mummy really would be proud Sam.

Oscar is another special case. Tom says he flirts with girls. ‘Nah, that’s just me. It’s how I talk to girls’. Yeah but you’ve tried to steal all our girlfriends. ‘Ah, but with you its banter, you know.’

That’s that cleared up then.

And how could I have forgotten Abi? Abi has EVERYTHING told to her by EVERYONE. She knows ALL the gossip.

This is true, and she’s also a massive shit-stirrer. She was the one that went to tell Hari, that Tom’s Polly was coming, that Tom had no basic respect for Hari and she seemed to enjoy every second of it.

There are a bunch of others too, most have been tango’d and have similar difficulty talking to each other. ‘Rah rah rah rah.’

If you have nothing to do, watch it, and if you do have something to do, scrap it and watch it. You will not be unimpressed – or perhaps you will with me for destroying your week seven work ethic. ‘Soz!’

The first three episodes are on iPlayer. Remember, the characters, storylines and relationships are all real, but some scenes have been created for entertainment purposes.