Lessons in acceptable behaviour: Lectures

We’re all old enough and wise enough and have been to so many of the things that by now you’d think everyone would know how lectures work, and more importantly how you’re supposed to act during them. But no, everyday more and more people are committing massive faux pas in innocent lecture halls. Here’s a few of the most common:

Clapping at the end of the lecture – Happens in most of the Law ones, and I’m told medics have been indulging as well. But lets be honest, likelihood is you’ve slept through the past 50 minutes, so why are you clapping? Aside from brown-nosing of course.

Asking the lecturer questions at the end – Way way too keen. If you’re doing this and still not getting a first it’s starting to be embarrassing. Questions are for Wikipedia, remember that.

Going on Facebook – Yes you’re bored, yes you’ve got a lapatop but the 20 people behind you don’t really want to see those hilarious pictures of you vomiting last night. And don’t even get me started on those sad little people who change their Facebook status to ‘x is bored in his lecture’. I don’t care how bored you are, don’t whinge at me on the internet, it offends my news feed.

Keyboard clackers – Get you for being all organised and bringing the laptop but do we really need to hear those keyboard clacks as you hurry to type up every ounce of the lecturers wisdom? (That’d be a ‘no’ by the way.)

Keep to your seat – We’re all cramped here, so when some little nonce next to you decides that they can only write leaning heavily to one side with their papers and bottles of water spread all over the desk things start to get really bad. You can’t exactly push them out of the way without being hideously rude, but 60 minutes is a long time to huddle.

Talking during the lecture – Ok, so we’ve all done this at some point, and a few sarky whispers are fine, but a full on loud conversation about, ‘OMG, X and Y hooking up last night and what was she thinking she could do so much better and didn’t he have that thing with Z’ – not on. And bloody irritating. I might be bored out my mind and ever so slightly confused but I still want to have the option of listening.

And one final note for the latecomers – sit at the back! First seat you see, steps if need be. But do not, in all circumstances attempt to walk down to the front, ask someone else to move along to let you get in and sit down before taking ten minutes to sort your stuff out in the middle of a lecture. Unless of course you enjoy a lecture theatre full of people staring at you during the said ten minutes.

There’s more, of course there’s more, but these are the real howlers that are inflicted on innocent bystanders on a daily basis. So next time you find yourself tempted, try and remember that the lecture theatre isn’t a special place devoid of social rules; it’s just as judgemental and yes, people do know who you are. If they don’t know your name they’ll make one up, so don’t let it be Clacker Number Four.