How to nail a girls night out in Birmingham

If you’re doing a girls night out in Birmingham,  you need to do it right. From early pre drinks to cheesy chips from Caspian, here’s how to do a night out the way a Brummie girl would.

Leave plenty of time for pre drinks 

Get ready before pre drinks because you want to use all your pre drink time drinking. If preing at a mates you may want to make a little room for a quick outfit change or to borrow someones lippy because you’ve lost yours but apart from that, don’t waste your time. It’s best to start the pre drinks at about half nine. It gives you enough time to get you drunk enough that you won’t have to worry about drink expenses in the club, but obviously by the time you get to the club that won’t be an issue. Pre-drinks alone isn’t enough to get you the Brummie standard of drunk.

Get a mix of drinks for pres 

You’ll probably invest in a cheap bottle of wine, going between the £5-6.99 rule, anymore and you might as well fuck it and get on the Frosty Jacks. Vodka and gin are also a must for pres, there’ll must always be at least one bottle in sight. Get these from Aldi or Tescos, don’t even bother turning up with something that’s from Sainsburys or blatantly expensive or else you’re just gonna look like a pretentious dick.

Keep pre music cheesy

When it comes to the music to play at pres, you want a variety, but in all honesty the cheesy great tunes are going to be put on, because Busted, Destiny’s Child, Shania Twain and a bit of Biebs are every girls guilty pleasures.

Then go to a Spoons like Dragons Inn or The Elizabeth of York 

If not preing at a friends or you want to go somewhere after, you’ll want to go to Dragons Inn: close to Snobs and it’s a Spoons and everyone loves Spoons #cheap.

If you’re around the Moseley area of Birmingham then of course it has to be The Elizabeth of York Wetherspoons. It’s always a good start to the night here and of course it’s slightly awkward seeing people you knew at secondary school there, but once you’ve had a few drinks you’ll be back together reminiscing in no time.

Harbourne/Edgbaston folks will want to go on the high street, maybe to Slug and Lettuce – 2 for 1 cocktails all day everyday gals. If you’ve got the money to spare, though, you’ll probably head to The Plough, the range of drinks is limited, but the cute beer garden makes up for it.

Make sure you’re ready to go before 12

You will want to head out about half 11-12, any earlier you’re going to look eager and peak too early. Any later and everyone’s going to be too drunk to appreciate your grand arrival, and your compulsory drink as-soon-as-you-get-in will just end in you waiting for 15 minutes behind a load of girls ordering seven different kinds of drinks.

Where to go

If you want to transition slowly from chilled pre drinks to wild club night, then your best bet is Sun on the Hill. It’s a mix between club/bar/pub with a small dance floor – for those who are already drunk enough to dance – and timeless music, have that last bevvie that’ll put you right in the mood to start dancing. Or Sidewalk on hurst street is also pretty similar, it’s in gay town which always has a buzzing atmosphere, and again, it’s near Snobs.

The first obvious choice is always Snobs. Everyone loves Snobs. No doubt everyone who isn’t from Brum has heard about it off someone and everyone who is goes there regularly. If you’re going to Snobs you’ll probably stay there for the rest of the night.

Put on some glitter if you’re out in Digbeth

If you’re looking for a dirtier, drinking-isn’t-enough-of-a-buzz kind of vibe (if you get me) then Rainbow or Boxxed is where you’ll be heading. Maybe even pop down to Spotlight, especially if it’s a Saturday as their Saturday nights will guarantee good music. Rainbow with it’s new roof terrace sets a nice atmosphere for every ciggy break and chatting to the guy you’re hoping to pull. Just be prepared to have deep convos with all the girls, and not be able to look them in the eye the next day.

It’s also acceptable to wear glitter at most clubs in Digbeth, which, if you are like any basic bitch, you will love. At least if your night is shit you can still look cute in the pics. However, you want to end the night with your purse and phone, though, it’s probably best to stay away from Digbeth.

Broad Street

To be honest, you’re best staying away from the majority of clubs on Broadstreet especially the former Risa and surrounding clubs. Players is the best shout, they hold student nights which means it can’t be all that dodgy and it’s pretty roomy. Pop World is also good if you want to carry on those cheesy, yet lovable tunes from pre drinks. Also, don’t expect to leave Pop World without at least three desperate guys numbers. There’s a chance you didn’t fancy them at the time you unwillingly gave them your number, and especially not the next day when they text you asking if you ‘had a good night??? ;)xx’.

Reflex is usually full of the older crowd and there’s no doubt at some point in the ladies toilets you’ll get a woman crying because she’s not as youthful as she use to be. Here may be good for pres though because who can refuse their cocktails which are literally the size of your head. If you’re looking for a young(ish) crowd and pop music that isn’t borderline shit , then Players is a good shout. Especially Stupid Tuesdays, even though it gets ridiculously crowded and you’ll end up seeing everyone you know there, you don’t really mind because you’ll manage to rope at least one not-so-stingey student into buying a drink for you.

Pryzm is the kind of club you hate to love. Be prepared to boogey to songs varying from No Scrubs to some EDM, whilst getting shamefully hammered and regretting (but also loving) you and your friends decision to go to Pryzm.

Once you’re in the club get a shot immediately 

Get a drink as soon as you get in of course. This is also useful if one of your mates covered the Uber and you need to pay her back your share. A shot of vodka will do us Birmingham girls just fine, or something weak that you can guzzle one after another through out the night to keep you at a good level…like VK/VS (who cares if someone’s judging you because it’s an alcopop, it’s tasty as fuck).

Then all go to the loo together 

You’re also best going for a quick toilet visit because you broke the seal at pres and a clear bladder means a clear mind. Or in this case you can focus on boogeying and which hottie you’re going to pull.

As long as you all stay together, you’ll be okay. No doubt at least one point in the night you’re going to have to tell a guy you and you’re mate are in a relationship so they back off. This rarely works as they just insist on a threesome. Best thing to do is get your sass on and tell them to piss off.

Be prepared to give away all of your cigarettes

Or just bring rollies because no one can be bothered.

Get some cheesy chips from Caspian

You’ll probably want some greasy food after a long night of dancing and empty calories, so you’re in luck at Snobs as there’s Caspian literally two minute walk away and it’s a good spot for your Uber to pull up too. There’s loads of food places at the top of Broad Street too, so if you went with the devil and chose Pryzm, you and your gals can still share a massive feast of burgers and chips.

Go for a drunken dip at the Victoria Square fountain

If you haven’t drunkenly visited the fountain in Victoria Square and went for a 5 am dip, then you haven’t sunk to the lowest of the lows like a real Brummie should. You’ll be walking past business people starting their day dripping wet whilst you hang your head in shame waiting for your taxi home.

Avoid walking down the Bristol/Hagley road at all costs.

You will get a car every five minutes pull up next to you and ask if you need a lift home. Even at your most fucked you’ll refuse that option, and hurriedly walk home even faster than you already were. The tunnel under the bullring is also a massive no if you’re on your own, even if it means that extra bit of walking to get to the 50 stop.

Hop in an Uber home

You’ll most likely be too drunk and too tired by this point to bother with money and logistics etc. so your best bet is to hop in an Uber with a pal or two and crash back at someones house. It’s not so much the taxi’s that are dicey in Brum, but the wait around on your own that is. Also, if you live on the number 50 bus route you’re in luck because it’s 24 hour. So get there on time and you’ll save yourself a tenner or so.