A definitive list of the worst things about UoB

We can’t even get a clock right

birmingham library old joe selly oak the tab the tab brum the vale UoB

As students of the University of Birmingham, we all feel obligated to praise it and act like it’s the best university in the country, especially when talking to people from rival universities. However, there are certain things that unquestionably annoy us all. The Tab has compiled a comprehensive list of things for you to get het up about.

Trying to cross Edgbaston Park Road

Even second and third years will remember the nightmare that is crossing Edgbaston Park Road on the way to uni. This is something that is not made any easier by the fact that at least 50% of car drivers seem to lack the ability to indicate when turning up Somerset road.


A rare window of opportunity

The library

Trying to make yourself do work is hard enough without having to face the inevitability of slowly roasting to death. How does it even get that hot in there? You’ll probably be denied the opportunity to burn to a crisp anyway though, as it’s basically impossible to find a computer.


Jackets off ladies and gents

Old Joe is never on time

Is it just me who gets weirdly annoyed by this? The defining symbol of our uni is a clock and it rarely even gets the time right.


But what time is it REALLY?

Fire alarms

After the third time someone thinks it’s funny to set the fire alarm off at 3am, the joke starts to wear a bit thin. Patience runs even lower every time someone burns whatever food they were trying to cook after coming back from a night out. Just accept defeat and get a takeaway so we can all sleep in peace.


Having to look presentable 24/7

No longer is it acceptable to wander round the house in your underwear, or wear those clothes that even your grandma wouldn’t be seen in. Who knows who might see you? At uni, even your pyjamas have to be presentable, because at some point in the night someone is probably going to set the fire alarm off again.

Having to do your own cooking

Even when you finally make the effort to cook instead of ordering a takeaway, it will never be as good as what your mum serves up. With an extensive range of takeaways within a five mile radius, you’re probably better off leaving the home cooking as a reading week treat.

'Two for Tuesday anyone?'

“Two for Tuesday anyone?”

The constant smell of weed

You’re probably used to it by now, it’ll be the clean air that smells weird instead.

Being ill

Being ill is the one time you would do anything to have your mum there to look after you. With the best will in the world, friends will never be as caring or sympathetic. They’re probably the ones that made you ill anyway, the bastards.

being ill

The weird flatmate/housemate

Who knew how accurate it is to say “you don’t truly know someone until you live with them”. Let’s face it, there’s always one, and if you don’t think you have this problem, it’s probably you.


Are they alive?

Having to do your own shopping

It’s only when you get to uni and have to brave the crowds in Aldi that you fully appreciate the time and effort your parents spent on making sure there was food. There’s also the small issue of having to pay for it yourself that leaves you longing for the days of going to the cupboard and actually finding it full.

Having to do your own washing

No one ever told you how expensive and time consuming washing is. Leaving it until you’re down to your last pair of underwear definitely isn’t the best way, but if you actually wash your clothes regularly, are you even a student?

having to do your own washing

Probably trying to remember what clean clothes smell like

Having to balance work and play yourself

The temptation of Broad Street or the pubs in Selly is too much. Without your parents forcing you to stay in and study, the inevitable consequence is that all your work gets left to the night before. 3000 words with 3 days to write it? Yeah sure, I’ll come out tonight.

The ‘no pets’ rule

Only at uni is it acceptable to say “I miss my dog more than my family”, and realistically, it’s probably true. Whether you live in halls or in a rented house, it is highly unlikely that you’ll been allowed to bring your pet along with you. Petition to campaign for pets being allowed in halls and rented houses anyone?


He’ll be good I swear

The long walk to campus

When you ended up in halls or a house far away from campus, you thought it’d be fine. You thought the extra exercise would blow the cobwebs away after a night out. You even toyed with the idea that all the extra walking could turn you into a fitness fanatic. You were wrong, and haven’t been to lectures for a week now because you can’t face it. Brilliant.

All in all though, it could be worse. At least we have Roosters.